It's Only Just Begun...

I decided that this Christmas I was going to do some fun things, and random things, and just enjoy this time of the year. So, I got home yesterday-one of my friends from school dropped me off on her way home, which was a real blessing(I didn't have to buy a bus ticket). It was really nice of her and her Dad!

I spent time with the fam last night, and then today I woke up around 10:15, and then meandered around the house until my dentist appointment. Ruth-Ann invited me to go to a Christmas dinner with her church(the one I used to go to). I was really happy to go, and mostly because I won't see her for very much longer, as she is going away to Alberta to Bible college. It was a fun night, and after the dinner a bunch of us went to Tim hortons to hang out for a bit, and then I came home. So, it was a great time altogether.

I have so many things planned to do this holiday, and yet with so little time, I don't know how I can accomplish them all. one thing that I know I MUST do is tobagganing at midnight. It should be a blast!!!

Love to all, and don't forget that Jesus is the reason for the season!!!

Love, Ash


One down, four more to go....

I finished my philosophy exam about one hour ago, and feeling very happy that it is all over. I have another exam in two hours, and then I have 3 more after that. I'm coming home on Thursday, and I cannot wait!

One of my brasilian friends sent me this...I hope that you enjoy it!

First Corinthians 13, the Christmas Version:

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just a decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals and
arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen,
sing carols in the nursing home
and give all that I have to charity,
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties,
and sing in the choir's cantata,
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return,
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails.

Video games will break,
pearl necklasces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust,
but giving the gift of love will endure.

May the peace of the Lord be with you and yours.
Have a very blessed Christmas.

---Author Unknown---

Love to you all...


lots of fun...

Have you ever been squished in a shower with 7 other girls before?

Let me tell you, if you haven't, YOU SHOULD, because it was fun. We were hiding on our group leader last night, and we decided to hide in the shower, since it is so small that that would be the LAST place she would think to look. However, one of the girls laughed too loud, so she found us right away, and said, "As if you girls ALL fit in there!!!"...It was incredibly funny.

Today I had to work, and it is my 4th last shift before the new year.

I don't have anything else to write, but I hope that everyone has a great night!

Love, Ash


Sunday adventures...

I almost didn't go to church this morning-the bus usually leaves at 9:15, and I definitely got out of bed at 9:25AM. However, I raced down the stairs and overheard someone shouting that some more girls were coming and that they had room for me, so I hurriedly shoved some clothes on and raced out the door. I found out then that the bus wasn't coming because of the huge snowstorm we had last night, so one of the guys here who has a huge van took us to church. The roads were awful, but he drove carefully and we arrived safely.

Now it is raining, and if it gets any colder, it is going to be freezing rain. I'm not going to say anything, but I hope that somethings are cancelled tomorrow :).

Last night I went bowling with Katie and the boys, and it was fun. It was glow in the dark bowling!!!! AMAZING! I had such a fun time, and we had pizza and hung out. I loved it.

Well, that's all for today.

I hope everyone is keeping warm and enjoying the snow, because I know that I am, surprisingly enough!!

Love to all...take care
Love, Ash


The first day of December...

As I sit here contemplating on eating a Lindor chocolate that a secret admirer gave to me and my roommates, I realize that it is December 1, 2007. 2007!!!! My goodness...the years go by so fast.

Because it is this the first of December, it means that 25 days until Christmas, and 13 days until I go home, and only 10 days until my first of five exams!

Mmmmm..this Lindor is impressive. It has milk chocolate on the outside, yet is filled with white chocolate. I'm going to try to savour this one for a while. This too is a sign of the season. Lindor chocolate, eggnog, and candy cane ice cream. Christmas lights, yule logs(cake), and mistletoe.

Every Friday night we have a Pizza Pop, which is where a group of us interested in hearing about missions and stories come together to drink pop and eat pizza. Last night the missionary could not come because of the weather, so we watched a documentary film called "Iraq in Fragments". I was kind of apprehensive to watch it because I find documentaries boring at times, but I stayed, and I'm glad I did. It painted a different of Iraq and all that is going on there. I was very moved, as I realized what the people there have to go through. We, here in Canada, have no idea what it is like to suffer in a war-torn country. Most of us, other than those old enough to remember World War II, have no idea what it is like to suffer, not the kind of suffering that those in the middle east and other parts of the world do. And then to think that most of the young people in this Western culture grow up to think that Christmas time is all about getting presents and having time off school. We have so much. Our society has become so materialistic. In the past year I have come to realize that I don't NEED any more STUFF. Even with this in mind, it is still hard for me to get out of the cultural mind-set. Sure I spend my money on things that I don't need. We all do it. But we could try to do it less. It starts in our minds first, a conscious effort to do away with the THINGS. Because we can't take it with us when we die, and it will serve no purpose in our eternity.

Now, I'm not suggesting that some of the things we want are bad, but we need to remember that we can get by with LESS...

Maybe you don't agree with me...that's fine. I've just been very convicted the past month about things like this. I guess it's because I'm a part of the youth culture, and this "Technoculture" is all about the lastest this, the newest that, and it has made me very aware of what we are doing.

So if you don't agree with something I have said, please tell me. If you don't want me to know who you are, comment anonymously. I am interested in your opinions.

Well, my chocolate is gone now, with only the taste of it in my mouth. I was rambling today, and now I must go.

I hope that everyone has a great week-end...take time to enjoy the snow and the sunshine today!

Love, Ash


work work work..

I was able to get more shifts in the library today, and for that I am grateful. I was trying to be more frugal with my money, but it's so easy to just go out for dinner or lunch instead of making it. I realize in the long run, though, I'm just spending more money.

I definitely have my work cut out for me in the next week and a half, and I'm heading off to do theology when I finish writing this.

Wow, I can't think of anything else to write, and my roommate is now speaking in French on the telephone...it's pretty awesome, and I don't understand!!!

Take care...

Love, Ash


Heart Attitude...

I was very pensive today and moved to thought by something that we watched in chapel.

Kevin challenged us to try to think about our culture today, and to understand why this world is hurting.

I then started thinking about how secluded I am here at school, and how I actually enjoy not being with the world. Is that a very Christ-like attitude though? I mean, we are called to be salt and light in the world, and how can I if I am sitting in a bubble?

I don't think about others enough, and I am very selfish. Jenny asked me how I am going to change that, and I replied, "That is what I need to figure out.".

Jenny encouraged me. I have talked to her before about my desire to know what God wants for my life, and how I am supposed to use my gifts and talents to serve Him.

She said, " You know Ashleigh, in order for you to begin serving God, it has to be a heart attitude. You can try to figure out what your gifts and talents are, but your desire to serve him has to begin in your heart, and then everything else will fall in place after that."

Jenny is a wise woman. I enjoy speaking with her, because she is so encouraging to me, and so interested in what is going on in my life, and she always directs me to think back to God when I am discouraged! Even if she never reads this, I want her to know that she means a lot to me! Thank you, Jenny!

These past 3 days have been so encouraging to me. Honestly, I have never felt so surrounded by love in a long time.

I love you all. Thank you for reading my blogs and encouraging me!

Love, Ash


A Good Day...

I was reminded of Whinnie the Pooh today, for indeed, it was a blustery day! The snow went 'round and 'round in swirls, and I was happy to be inside.

Katie and I went for a walk today, but I literally froze my legs off-I mean, who needs legs anyways! So we only went for a half an hour and came back and had some delightful cauliflower soup with cheese on top to warm us up.

I was able to chat with Oma and Grandpa tonight(finally, after playing phone tag for about a week!) and they were very encouraging to me, and lifted my spirit.

Soccer was a blast, and I have been doing homework!!! I'm even taking a break from it to write this!

I hope everyone had an awesome day-May God bless you...

Love, Ash


Beautiful Days...

I hope that everyone enjoyed my "spoonerism" post yesterday. It was definitely random and pretty much crazy.

Today I went to church like a good Christian girl should lol, and it was great. I love the church I go to, and I'm trying to start to get to know more people.

I came home, made lunch, hung out with some people at a cookie party, and am now heading off to have a nap(hopefully).

I love you all, and hope everyone has a great afternoon!

Love, Ash

p.s. Remember to live for the now...you'll get more out of life that way :D


Wold Cinter days...

Today I wook a talk,
In the ceezing frold.

Of course I bore my woots,
And donned my mat and hitts too.

Ice sistened on the glidewalk,
And the blind wew in my face.

I hame come too soon,
Only because I couldn't cand the stold.

I did hots of lomework,
And lead my rittle eyes out.

I made rinner with my doommates,
And we dat sown and ate by candlelight.

It was a dood gay,
And I moved every linute.

Cake tare, everyone.

Lou are Yoved by me!
Love, Ashleigh

–noun the transposition of initial or other sounds of words, usually by accident, as in a blushing crow for a crushing blow.
[Origin: 1895–1900; after W. A. Spooner (1844–1930), English clergyman noted for such slips; see -ism]


2 weeks left...

Today was not a very productive day, however, it was relaxing in the sense that I have many things to do and I won't be able to relax very much soon.

I bought Handel's Messiah finally, after many years of having to suffice with waiting to see a Messiah production. I listened to almost all of it this afternoon, and NOW it feels like Christmas!

The first snow happened here last night, so I took pictures that I have yet to download only because my laptop is FULL, and I need an external hard-drive.

I believe that is all that happened today. So I bid you all "adieu" and thereby take my leave.

Love to everyone!
Love, ASh

p.s. don't forget to add your vote to the poll :D


201st post...

200 posts...
it's hard to believe that time goes by so fast.
The semester is almost over, and soon it will be 2008.

Is anyone else doing New Year's Resolutions? I never do, and this year I was thinking that maybe I will. Then I started thinking about how horrible I would feel if I didn't follow through with them. I would get myself down and depressed. Maybe that's why people go through those February "blahs"-the New Year's resolutions are starting to wear off by then.

Today I'm working for 7 hours, and after that I'm going to a coffee house. It should be lots of fun, and I'm looking forward to it.

I have a question, and it may sound dumb, but if you know me and my gifts well, can you give me a suggestion on what you could see me doing in the future with those gifts? If you can think of anything, please be specific, because I need specifics right now. If you can't think of anything, that's fine.
Thanks, and I love you all!
Love, Ash


Spa Night...

Last night for my impact group, we had a free night, so we decided to do a spa night. We lit tons of candles, put pillows all over the room, and had fruit and vegetables and apples with caramel sauce. It was definitely awesome. We soaked our feet, painted nails, and had bonding time. Some of us did some homemade facemasks and hair treatments, and laid out on the floor with cucumbers over our eyes. It was so much fun! I have never enjoyed being a girl so much, and it was fun to just relax and beautify. One of my roommates kept saying, "I feel like a princess!" It's so true. It was definitely needed!!

Since I went to bed late last night, I only got 4 hours of sleep, and then I had to work this morning. However, another bonus of today is that my class this afternoon finished early! I'm so happy.

I should probably go and get some homework done.
Love to you all!
Love, Ash


I have an obssession...

So, ever since the Diwali party I haven't been able to stop thinking about INdian things...food, dancing, music, etc.

This whole week-end, I have been listening to Indian music NON-STOP, and now when I'm not, the beats and tunes swirl around in my head. THAT'S annoying, but the music is so great. On friday night a bunch of us watched an Indian movie called "Lagaan", and we still haven't finished it (because it is like almost 4 hours long), but it was good.

If any of you like Indian music or are curious, I would encourage you to check out "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" myspace, as well as Punjabi MC myspace, because although they are more pop sounding Indian music, it sounds AWESOME!

So, I haven't done homework in a week. Last night was the first time I had picked up a textbook in about 6 days. I have not been motivated, and I have been extremely lazy. I shouldn't be like this, but it's hard sometimes, especially when the semester is almost done! I suppose that I just have to tell myself to get to work, and just to do it, or else it won't get done(and I won't pass). My courses have been going well so far otherwise.

I did have a fun week-end thought(of course one would have fun wile not doing one's homework)but it was all looming over me haha.
I'm doing homework this week...trust me. I can't afford not to. Finals are coming up, and most of them are cumulative, so it's going to be brutal.

I hope that everyone has a great day!

Love, Ash


A mid-November blog...

I went home last week-end, and although I didn't visit with my family as much as I wanted to, I definitely had a good week-end.

It was busy, but I got to go to an Indian Diwali party, and that was amazing! The women were all beautifully dressed in colourful saris, and the men looked handsome in their suits. We danced for about 3 hours to traditional Indian music, Indian pop, and some North American dance songs. It was fun, and I finally understood how the Indian people dance. It was definitely a great experience!

School has been going great. I am all finished my mid-terms except for one more in Psychology, and with only 3 1/2 weeks of school left things are awesome!

I wanted to include a picture of me with my Indian friends who invited me to the Diwali party...they looked so beautiful!...However, my laptop is FULL with pics, and I have no room to download any more pictures :(

Soon I will clear everything off.

Ok, hope everyone has a good day!
Love, Ash


Mid-terms, Reading, and Studying OH MY!

Ok, so I haven't written in a while, but I do have a good reason. I have been quite swamped with homework and such lately, and I just couldn't seem to find a reason to write a blog about my boring life as a student haha.

So, that's pretty much all I've been doing...either doing homework, thinking about doing homework, procrastinating on doing homework, or stressing over homework. And working. and hanging out with friends...when I'm not doing homework! lol

But seriously, it's been a good couple of weeks, but I don't remember the last time that I wrote.

This morning I was eating a canteloupe, and it made me think of Poppa. I never eat canteloupes anywhere else, except at Nana and Poppa's house, as just recently I started enjoying them. So, I thought of Poppa because now he can't eat canteloupes, and it made me sad. But I definitely enjoyed it for him, and I know that after his second surgery he will be able to finally eat the things he once enjoyed! Just keep pressing on, Pop, and don't give up! I love you...

So, I didn't write about this yet, but last Friday Oma and Grandpa came up for a visit and took me out for dinner. It was such a nice visit, and I'm so glad that I got to see them. Thank you so much for coming! I love you both!

Well, i should go and try to do some homework...

Hope everyone has a great week-end!
Love to you all...



To all my friends and family:

I just want to send a HUGE thank you to everyone who sent me e-cards, wrote on my wall, gave me little things, and who showered me with so much love yesterday on my birthday!!!

It was so nice, even though I had to work. I had such a great day, and I have the best friends and family in the world!

I will try to get back to you all individually, but write now I'm in over my head with homework and stuff, so as it is I'm writing this quickly so I can get back to doing homework.

I just wanted to show my appreciation to you all!

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

Love, Ash



I have decided that sleep is definitely necessary. I haven't been getting much sleep lately. The main reason is that I just don't feel tired, or I actually can't get to sleep. Another reason is that I don't do my homework during the day, so then I have to cram at night.

I'm going to have to start cracking down on myself, because this falling asleep in classes business is definitely NOT cool.

Today is such a beautiful day. It's the perfect day for a walk, which is exactly what I'm going to do!

I'm probably going to play soccer later on at intermurals. MY FAVOURITE!!

Ok, well I'm off. Have to pick out my courses for next semester ALREADY! It's crazy!
Hope everyone has a great afternoon!

Love, Ash



Today I got a gift...
A gift from my secret sister...
His name is Diefenbachia...
He is now married to Galadriel.

I know his name sounds woman-ish...
He is anything but.
He is tall and strong...
Galadriel has curves and is shapely.

Galadriel and Difenbachia are plants...
They sit on my shelf...
Now they are married...
And make my room alive.

I love my plants. They make me happy and remind me of the beauty of God's creation. I'm so wound up. I did no homework this week-end. INstead of feeling relaxed and wonderful, I feel out of sorts and extremely lazy. This week is going to be interesting...I just feel it.

That is my life today. I am finished. J'ai fini. Finito. :D


Love, Ash


Getting Behind...

Good morning to everyone.

I decided to write finally and stop procrastinating. It's pretty sad when I start procrastinating in writing blogs. Sometimes I don't understand my mind...

Well, school has been going well. I had my first mid-term in Psychology on October 4, and I got 78%!!! I'm kind of upset that it was two marks below my goal, but I'll just have to work harder next time.

I did get home for Thanksgiving, and it was nice to visit with my family. We had company over on Sunday for our turkey dinner, and it was a good time of fellowship. On Monday I got to go down with Nana and visit Poppa again, as he had to go back to the hospital on Sunday. Thankfully he came back home on Wednesday, but please keep them in your prayers!

Today I had planned to get up earlier and get a good start on my homework-that didn't turn out so well,and now I'm kind of put out and can't even seem to start doing it at all...OH MOTIVATION...WHERE ART THOU????????

Let me share my newest poem with you. I wrote it on the bus coming home for Thanksgiving. The sun was so gorgeous, and then the words just came to me...God is AMAZING!!!

Red ball of fire,
Hanging from the sky-
The sun glows at the horizon,
Changing hues with every moment.

Slowly it dips lower,
Fading from my view.
It sets, displaying the
Majesty and glory of God!

Have a great week-end.
Love, Ash


Oh la...

So...I got all my homework done on Saturday for this week, except for studying for a midterm in Psych on Thursday...What an awesome feeling!

And thanksgiving is coming, and I'm going home soon...SOOOO excited!

so, about the 15 min. sticker thing in my previous note...i didn't actually use stickers, but I just timed myself.

Now I am only on the internet for half an hour each day, so I won't be checking my e-mails as much as I used to! But this is good...it feels good not to feel guilty about spending so much time on the internet.

Well...i hope everyone takes care...hopefully I will write before thanksgiving.
love to you all!!
Love, Ash


Managing Time!!

Hello, all. I hope that everyone is doing well.

I have been trying to get better at managing my time. Well, my friend Katie told me that as far as the internet goes, I can have 3 stickers, and each of those stickers represents 15 minutes. So all I get is 45 minutes a day, and not all at the same time. It is going well so far, and I don't feel quite so guilty as I did before. I thought it was an amazing idea!

School is going ok...I have lots of things due, a midterm next week, and well...it's a blast!

I love you all, and Happy Wednesday!

Love, Ash


A Special Visit

So yesterday I got to visit Poppa at the hospital. I took the bus down and then walked over to the hospital from the coach terminal. He was all alone when I got there, and I thought I wasn't going to cry until he opened his eyes and looked at me and said, "Boy, am I ever glad to see you!" Man, then I lost it, and he said, "Come here and hold my hand-I might not say too much, but I just want to hold your hand." So I grabbed a chair and sat down, and placed my cold hand into his big warm, still strong hand, and held on tight. It was hard to look at my big strong Poppa, lying there on the too-short hosptal bed with tubes in and out of him. I sat with him for an hour before my family came, and there were times when I just felt like crying my eyes out, and then others where his dry humour kept me laughing just like everything was normal. He kept asking me questions about school, my life, my job, and I could only give him short answers. I know he probably wanted me to say more, but how could I? Given the circumstances, it didn't seem right to go on and on about myself. Yet maybe I should have talked more, because that's what he wanted...someday I will get all this right.

I'm just so grateful that he is alive. It gives me joy to say that I will never take him or my other grandparents for granted again. Their lives are too precious to think that I have all time in the world with them. Life is too short to waste time with regrets, and I don't want any regrets.

Nana looked amazing though. I admire her strength through all of this, and I definitely know that God has got her back, literally! She looked so energized, and I was amazed at how well she is doing-now she is the strong one! I'm praying for you Nan!

In an attempt to return to normalcy, I will tell you what I did before I visited Poppa. Yesterday morning I went to the Brasilian church again. It was awesome, and I even had company! I laugh at the randomness of it all, but on Saturday night Nathaniel asked me where I was going to church. When I mentioned it, he said he might see me there. So I was sitting in a pew by myself waiting for the service to start when all of a sudden he sat himself down beside me. I was so shocked, but it was good to have company, and I even got to translate for him (albeit very poorly). Before anyone starts to get any ideas(which the ladies at the church already did), I just want to say that Nathaniel is one of the best guy friends I have ever had. I appreciate his humour and how he is always willing to listen. I doubt he will read this, but thank you Nathaniel!

Katie and I played frisbee in the gym last night...obviously we are THE best at the game, but too soon we decided to stop and rest up our arms for ...SOCCER??? lol

So that was my day yesterday, full of fun, relief, and ...GOOD TIMES!

Hope everyone had a great week-end...
Love, Ash


SO many questions

Some days I wonder...

How you can take three steps forward and then two back?

I had all this good plan of doing my homework and balancing everything, and it's like, just like that, I get off the track again. ok, so maybe one off day is ok, but this is like THREE off days now...make that FOUR. When does an off day turn into procrastination? When does the customary college tiredness turn into laziness? Am I being too hard on myself? Am I allowed to have such high expectations that I can't even enjoy even an hour of not doing homework because my mind knows that I have SO much to do???


I've decided...I'm going to visit Poppa on Saturday, homework or not. I can't take this, just getting the updates. I need to see him for myself.

Love, Ash


Back from the Retreat

I had such a good time this week-end at the retrat. I got to get to know many new people, and it was such a good bonding time.

But now as I look ahead at this week, I feel like going a little bit to crazy town because of all the work I have to do. Yes, I am just a loittle bit stressed out, and that is ok, but please pray for me and that I will find a good outlet for my stress.

I miss all of my family-I love you guys.

Poppa, I know that Nana will read this to you sometime, and I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. I'm praying for you and I love you ever so much. Nana, you ared doing such a great job, and I praise God for the strength that he's given to you both!

To everyone else, please continue to pray for them in this time of their lives.

I have two classes this afternoon and evening, so I should probably get to doing something more productive.

Love, Ash


College Dayz

Oh man, trying to get back into the groove of balancing homework and social time is quite the challenge. I did almost 7 hours of homework in the past two days, and feel that it has been quite the accomplishment. Now I feel guilt-free going on the retreat tomorrow, knowing that all my homework is done!!

My computer is driving me crazy right now, so this is all I'm going to write...

I hope everyone has a great week-end!

Love, Ash


I love my Job

So I started working at the library today. It was awesome. I have to work tomorrow too.

Today, during the thunderstorm, a bunch of us went outside and ran in it for about 10 minutes! It was FREEZING, but so much fun.

I wrote a short poem, as I was inspired.

Cold rain beats down
On my skin, my face, my hair.

The thunder booms, the lightning cracks,
And my clothes cling tightly to my freezing body.

We stomp through puddles,
Relishing the feeling of childlike exhilaration.


Have a good night!
Love, Ash


Love it!

So today I went to the Brazilian Church. It was amazing. I tried to translate for Jess, and someone else translated for Ben. I think he got the better deal (sorry, Jess). The music was awesome. They sang songs in Portuguese as well as in Spanish. I loved it! I would like to go back again.

Poppa is doing better. I'm so glad! I hope and pray that things will continue to improve over the next week.

I wrote a poem on Friday-I was sitting outside, trying to study for psychology, but the beautiful day distracted me. I found my niche in where I worship God best. It's when I'm revelling in the beauty of nature, whether it be a warm breeze that I can feel, or perhaps a picture of a land I have never seen that totally captures my attention. God is so alive to me in those moments, and so I share this poem with all of you.

"All For You"

The trees-
They clap for You;
Their branches sway back and forth.

The wind-
It blows for You;
Softly and gently it caresses the earth.

The clouds-
They move for You;
Slowly they part to let the sun come out.

The sun-
It shines for You;
Giving but a glimpse of how radiant Your glory is and will be.

Love, Ash



Ah, Vida....la vie...

What a crazy little thing called life. Sometimes I wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life. Other times it seems like things are going ok, and why do I worry so much?

But all I know is that there are so many things I need to learn. I wish I could flip a switch and have my imperfections and flaws taken care of just like that. Sometimes I get so embarrassed at the way I am. But I know that God wants us to learn how to deal with the flaws, and to lean on him to make the change in our lives. It's "Character Building".

Well, you know what? Sometimes I get so tired of "character building". It's so cliche. I wish that I could run away with myself and my mouth.

I want to apologize to anyone who I have hurt with the things I say. I always speak before I have time to think about what I'm going to say and how I must say it. I always admired the people who, when you tell them something, furrow their brows and look away, and THEN respond. Why can't I be like that too? Why do I have to be so impatient all the time and just blurt something out?

That's another one...PATIENCE. You think I've had enough time to practice that one. But NO, I'm still as impatient as ever. Sometimes I wonder if God uses his sense of humour on me in this area of my life, like making me the magnet for people that need a little EXTRA patience.

And Selfishness...Another BIG huge...ENTITY in my life. I hate it. I hate how most of the time I don't even THINK about others; like, it doesn't even cross my mind. It's always me first me first me first.

Well, Not if I can help it. I don't want to be this way anymore. I'm tired of living with myself. Of course I'm not expecting myself to be perfect, but I can definitely step it up a LOT. God knows where I need to change. I just need to be into him more than I have been, and to keep him close so that I CAN change.

Please pray. PRAY PRAY PRAY. I am telling myself this as well, because I don't pray like I should. Pray for my Poppa. He's in the hospital and not doing as well as he should be. Nana needs him. I don't know what she would do without him. And my family needs him. and I need him. But God knows what will happen, and He has a purpose and a plan for everything that happens.

Love, Ash


Second Year Student=Sophmore?

Ok, so I haven't written in a while, and I apologize about that. I don't have internet in my room yet, and the internet was down on all of campus for about 2 days, so that made everyone go crazy as you can well imagine.

School has been going great so far. I had registration on Tuesday, and my first class, General Psychology, was yesterday at 8:15 in the morning. My other classes don't start until next Monday.

I got a job working in the school library. It's not a lot of hours, only 8 hrs a week, but it's enough to keep me going this year. I'm excited to start(this Tuesday morning) and we shall see how it turns out.

I love my roommate...she's really cool, AND she's 100% Dutch; her name is Tena. She's very proud of her Dutch heritage, but unfortunately she only understands it, so I can't learn any. However, we are getting along awesomely, as well as with the other girls in my room. It's been nice getting to know the freshmen this week.

I have been unbelieveably hyper this week, so I have been feeling quite tired as I go from bouncing off the walls to quiet spells. It's crazy, but I'm so happy to be here again.

I'm really excited about what God has in store for this year. The plan is to pay attention more in class than I did last year, and to actually LEARN something at college.

It's so awesome to hang out with all my friends and to make more friends. Yesterday was a packed day, complete with playing soccer AND volleyball, first day of classes, and going to a Thai restaurant-it was pretty amazing. I chose to begin exercising again after my...ahem...MONTH sabbatical...and I'm SOOOO sore today. However, it was good.

I can't wait for Sunday becuase I'm going to a Brazilian church!!! I met a Spanish lady named Carla at school on Registration day, and she said she and her husband go there. I asked her if she could take me and my friend Jess this Sunday. I'm so excited! She said the service is all in Portuguese, so I'm really pumped! I'll tell you all how it went.

Ok...so I hope that everyone is doing well. Please pray for my Poppa, as his surgery went well but now he is in ICU again with complications. Pray for Nana too, as I can imagine that she is quite worried...
Love to all!
Ash xoxoxox



Hello everyone, and I trust that you are all well on this fine Tuesday evening!!

I know that I am fine, because I have made up my mind and have finalized my decision for this year...I am going back to Heritage!!!

Ok, now before you wring my neck because you are so frustrated with me(believe me, I'm frustrated with myself too!), I will explain my decision.

I had mentioned in an earlier blog that I wanted to be a nurse. I have decided that this would not be the best choice in career for me, at least at this time in my life. I have no interest in science, even trying to do that biology course was taking every inch of my being to get me started. Not that I don't find medicine interesting(like healthwise), but I know that it would be very LONG and frustrating four years in nursing.

so because of this I decided to return to Heritage for my second year. At the end of my fourth year I will have gained a Bachelor of Religious Education-Professional in Intercultural Studies. Many of you know my love for different cultures, learning languages, and travelling. I hope to enter a ministry of some sort where all these things can be used. I am willing to do whatever it is God wants me to.

All of you at Heritage, you DO NOT know HOW excited I am to be coming back!! I had thought that I wouldn't ever see some of you again! Sunday can't come soon enough!

I would like to apologize, though, for all my confusing and troublesome blogs this summer. It was truly a summer of second guessing myself, learning, and thinking. But this is my FINAL decision, lol, and I hope that everyone will forgive me!

Have a great night..time for bed!
love, Ash


Humidity and Rain...mmmm Good Combo!

I never used to like humidity, but lately I have been loving it! Thankfully my "mild case of aasthma" has decided to depart for a little bit...I haven't noticed anything...but then I again, I haven't been doing ANYTHING strenous...oops.

Anyways...I have decided to embrace the heat! I abhor winter, and so I'm not about to complain about this weather right now even though it is combined with rain which creates a rather oppressive mood.

I'm sitting here writing not really making sense. My brain is too full, contemplating life and the choices I need to make in the next few days about this next coming year.

I have never been more grateful for supportive friends and family than I am right now. Thank you for all of your prayers for this mixed up girl.

Love you guys...


Hit the Polls...

In order to practice for voting in the upcoming Ontario elections, I have put a poll on my blog site. I would encourage everyone to vote. It's kind of corny, but fun too, and I hope that I get lots of answers from people!

It's on the right hand side of the screen, and it's over in 6 days, so happy voting!!

Love, Ash

The Job Search Ends HERE.

Ok, so I resorted back to Tim Hortons for work. I know I know, I gave in...AGAIN. I need the money, AND I know what I'm doing there. I had handed out all sorts of resumes, but no one called me back, and 2 wks of not working is enough for me.

I know I said I would never go back, but it's a job, and I know that I like it much better than the call center.

Mel and I have always wanted to know how to swing dance, so I think I'm going to sign us up to do that in September. We love the old movies, and oh man, that big band jazz music is AWESOME! So, we'll see how it goes.

Remember when it's been really dark and depressing outside these last few days?! What a way to end the summer...it would be nice if next week was sunny!

I hope everyone has a great day...take care!

Love, Ash


Prayer Requests

Well, I'm having an awesome time visiting my grandparents this week. It's so relaxing, not having to work, and just taking a rest.

I realized, however, that there are many people who need prayer, so this can't just be about me.

This world is full of hurting people, people who are broken from torn relationships, people who are scraping by, and people who are sick and need healing.

My Poppa is having surgery this coming September (on the 5th) to have cancer removed from his esophagus. He and Nana need lots of prayer, as he will be in the hospital recovering for two weeks after that.

A friend of mine told me what she does with her prayer requests. She writes them down on pieces of paper and then puts them into a box. When she prays for people, she can pull the requests out of the box and then see how God has answered that prayer over time. It's really cool, and an awesome idea.

Anyways, if anyone has a prayer request, don't be afraid to post them, because I know that quite a few people read these blogs and we can all pray for each other!

Take care...love Ash


Another week-long sabbatical

Well, folks, I have decided yet again to take a week long sabbatical. Maybe two. I don't know anymore, but frankly, I detest looking at this computer screen. Thankfully my job at the call center will soon be over and I will be free from staring at a computer screen for almost 8 hrs straight.

However, I need to rethink my life, get my biology course back on board, and GET ON WITH THINGS!

I'm in a rut, am rethinking my choices in life and what I want to do(yes, again) and just overall confused.

So if you could pray for me(if you're a praying person, and if not, I would appreciate your prayers anyways!) I would GREATLY appreciate it.

I know that God's got my back, but right now I'm not in a patient kind of mood, and my circumstances are calling for it, so unfortunately I feel rather vulnerable.

Anyhow, getting back to life...aside from the internet, lol...I shall go.

Love to you all, and hope you have a great couple of weeks!

Love, Ash


My Profile...

I am currently working on making my page a little more interesting, like putting polls up and updating my profile. Unfortunately, the polls aren't working at this moment, but my profile is updated, so have a look!

Love, Ash

4 Days Left!!!

I'm not sure if counting the days makes them go by slower rather than faster, however, we shall see.

I almost called in yesterday, mostly because Mom didn't have to work and I wanted to be home with her. Nevertheless, I went to work. And I'm so glad that I did!! If I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have been able to speak to a man in Portuguese! It was a really random conversation, and we definitely talked for about 30 min. Basically his sister's phone wasn't working, so I was trying to do troubleshooting. But do you think that I could even REMEMBER how to do the troubleshooting once I heard him speaking Portuguese to his sister?!! LOL

It was so awesome, and definitely made my day! I did get the phone working(eventually), as the poor man kept asking me if I wanted to date him. His sister was laughing her head off in the background, and so was I, because he was so funny and I didn't know what to say. I'm so glad that he called, though, because he made me laugh at work, and trust me, that doesn't happen often!

Yesterday I was actually in such a good mood that I could have done overtime. I was just getting into the groove of things and felt so relaxed on the phones that I could have stayed for a while. It was very strange, and that doesn't mean that I have decided to stay there by any means!!!

Well...I must go. The day is young yet, and most of it will be wasted by working, however, this is my lot in life today, and I must fulfill it! :)

I did write a poem yesterday; it's very carefree so enjoy!

Feel the wind on my face,
Running through my hair-
Sticky fingers filled with cotton candy-
A mother's worst nightmare.
Sit on the ground cross-legged, Indian-style.
Face lifted expectantly, eager,
Empty of all traces of sadness-
The sun slowly rises in the west.
Jump up and down, hanging for a moment,
Little legs take the brunt of the impact,
Hands wave wildly in the air-
Suspended by the trampoline.
Childish freedom never grows old-
Whimsical things of our past still fancy our attention,
Entreating, begging us not to forget
To live a little.


And the countdown begins

6 days left of work only!!! I can hardly wait...I'm so excited to be finally done!

I don't have much to say today(well, right now anyways). I'm extremely hot and loving this heat, and that just can't be beat!!!

Have a great day..I might write later on.

Love, Ash


Handing in My Two Week's Notice!

Yes, it is official-I'm finally quitting my job! After all these past few weeks feeling like the summer would never end, I finally made the decision to quit my job and get on with my life. I'm so excited! My last day will be on August 11th, and allthough it is only two weeks, I think it's going to be the longest two weeks of my life!

Although I am quitting, I still don't have another job. Some of you might think I am crazy for quitting without another job, and to tell you the truth, it IS crazy. I vowed that I would never do that again. However, if I stay there, I will keep feeling trapped, and I don't want to feel like that anymore! So now it is the job hunt that I go on!

I should go now-I didn't have breakfast and I'm so hungry, and then I have to work. Yay...lol.

Hope that everyone has a great day!

Love, Ash



I was listening to Nicole Nordeman's CD Brave just now, and I heard this song and decided to post the lyrics here. They're really great, and I hope you like them as much as I did!

Live sung by Nicole Nordeman
Did you come that we might just survive?
Did you come so we could just get by?
Did you walk among us
So we might merely limp along beside?

I was bound, I have been set free
But I have settled for apathy
Did you come to make me new
And know I'd crawl right back into the skin you found me in?

It's where I am, not where I've been

You make me want to live
You make me want to live
You came to shake us
And to wake us up to something more
Than we'd always settled for
And you make me want to live

We've all been up on the mountain top
A golden glow that's bound to soon wear off
Then it's back to the mundane telling tales of glory days
When we were hopeful that this change was here to stay

So why would a young man
Live in a waste land
When the castle of his dreams is standing by?W
hy would a princess
Put on an old dress
To dance with her beloved and a chance to catch his eye?

I'm Sorry.

Dear friends and family:

I just want to apologize for my past few blogs. I am aware of my frustration with my job, but this blog was meant to encourage all of you and not bring you down! I want this place to be a place of positivity, somewhere you can come to read and feel refreshed. I should not have been so negative in my previous blogs. I have decided to stay positive, to find things that made my day happy instead of tiresome.

I had a very good chat with Mom last night. She said to me, "Ash, why are you getting all uptight about this job? If you don't like it, just hand in your two weeks notice and find another one!" ...You know, I really love how Mom's are sometimes. Well, my mom anyways. They just get right down to the point. It's true, I mean, I only got this job for the summer anyways, so I'll just leave it at that-just a summer job. Why get all freaked out and stressed? I'm still young-I don't need to feel like I absolutely NEED to stay in one job. Obviously it is not my type of job anyways, and now I am aware of that. I'm still discovering what my fortes are in life, and THAT is definitely NOT one of them!!! Lol...

Oh, it feels so good to just relax. I've been so tightly wound this week that I think I was slowly cutting off my circulation. My poor family, what they've had to put up with! I'm sorry you guys...I do love ya and I don't want to be the grouchy sister!

Thanks to all of you who were praying for me. I really appreciated it a lot!!!

Yesterday we took Mel and the kids to Nana and Poppa's to stay for the week. It was good to see them again, and I'm sure they will all have a wonderful week!

I have to work on biology again today, because I want to get this unit finished by Wednesday so I can send my questions to get marked. We'll see how it goes...

I should go, but I thank you all for reading my blogs and some of you for taking the time to comment. I would just ask that you leave your name, so that I know who writes the comments. If you don't want to write your name, you can leave a nickname that you know I would know.

Have a great day!

Love, Ash



Yesterday, at work, I just didn't care. I don't know why, but I didn't feel like doing anything, so I just sort of sat there waiting for calls and reading my books and crocheting. Whatever, I said. LOL...

I also handed in my resume to a restaurant, hoping that I can learn how to become a waitress. I am going crazy with my job, and I'm not doing the best that I can. I'm just going through the day like at half-mast. I told Dad last night, "I just want to work with real live people!!! That way we can all be happy and nice and no one will yell at me just because I'm a voice on the other end." (However yesterday, if I had had a customer who yelled and screamed, I really wouldn't have cared.)

I know that there are hardships in every job, and if I do get a job waitressing I will probably have some more hardships stories to share. But I just want to get out of this place now!

ok...one day I will be content...I promise

Hope everyone has a good day!

Love, Ash


Jesus Love...

Written July 6/07....

Need to love someone-
I put all my love on you.
Jesus, I am yours.

Show me how to love.
The kind of love that God shows-
My heart is ready.

Want to feel His warmth.
Sometimes earthly love is cold.
Jesus, hold me tight!


I think I'm going CRAZY!!!

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I honestly can't stand being at home in the mornings. It seems that everyone is driving me crazy, and I get easily irritated at the stupidest things. Even the little things, like leaving their dirty plates on the table.

AAAAAH!!! What is WRONG with me! I don't want to be irritable, but it just comes out of me! It's like a plague that never goes away. I would like to blame it on the job. I really would. But I know that it's more than that. It's my very attitude itself. I LET myself get irritated.

I feel sorry for Graham and Karl and Vanessa(and sometimes when Mel is home, her too). I don't want to be that way. So I'm trying to work on it. And I'm sorry. But I really need to get out of here. I'm going stir crazy.

I think that's just it-everybody is going away in the fall...except for a few people I know. Like, they're going off to school or travelling or something. And I'm not. I have to stay here. Just Here. Working at the same job and doing the same homework for biology and chemistry. HELP ME!!!!! I love being home, but I love change too, and I'm not satisfied to stay in one place right now. I feel like I need to explore and travel and see different places, get it all out of me, you know?

Whatever...like that is going to happen. I'll just have to be content to stay here, and retreat to my room when I start to get irritable.

Please pray...my job is really getting to me good. It's bringin' me down man, it's bringin' me down!!! LOL....I just feel like laughing. for some strange, odd reason. I know...I told you I'm crazy.

Love, Ash



Yes, I know, I haven't written in a while. Thanks for bearing with me and praying for me even though I haven't shed light on my life for a few days.

Well..still looking for another job. NO, have not quit my old one(and that's just it...it's getting old...REAL old...and FAST!) It's difficult though, because all the university students are still here, so all the jobs are taken.

Work actually went pretty well today. I was surprised, because yesterday was surely a bad day. However..God makes us stronger through days like that Thankfully!!!

Not too much of interest going on, unfortunately, so I shall bid you all "Adieu"!
sleep tight...
Love, Ash



I totally forgot one of the most important aspects of my drive home last night...Most of the time our wipers on the van are temperamental, and they only work when they want to. So, I was kind of nervous, hoping they wouldn't quit on me. As soon as I turned the van on, they worked, and stayed working for the WHOLE way home!! That was definitely a God thing, because I was SO worried about it, and mom told me that they weren't working earlier in the day! It was so cool!!

Well, my night went well...fast actually, which was surprising. I wanted to call in SOOO bad today, and I was NOT in the mood for listening to crabby customers. Thankfully I didn't have hardly ANY crabby customers today!! It was awesome!

Well...I'm going to go eat something before bed... have to work tomorrow too!

Have a good sleep..
Love Ash

Wonderful Crazy Thunderstorms!!

I was at work last night, inside our dreaded dungeon listening to the rain beat on the roof with a ferocity that somewhat scared me. However, although I could not see for myself the wonderful storm, I had to be content with just listening to the pounding rain, and the boom of the thunder. When I finished work, the torrent still hadn't diminished yet, and I had to drive home being careful of the waters that had flooded some of the roads. It was an adventure, and all of a sudden I felt like I was back in Brasil again, and this time I was the driver.

I can remember the torrential rains that I experienced there, and although last night did bring heavy rain, nothing could compare!

But enough about the rain, I'm kind of cold today, and honestly, I would rather the heat right now! I do enjoy this breeze, but could do away with cold fingers as I type away.

I worked on biology for about an hour just now, and I am up to my neck in cells and organelles and mitochondria and, yes Mom, GOLGI BODIES!!! lol My goal is to finish this unit in 2 wks, so I have a little bit to go yet.

I hope that everyone has a great day...I'm going to go find somewhere that I can be warm!

Love, Ash


My moonlit drive

Last night I was driving the van home from work, and I saw a couple from my work walking home, but couldn't stop safely enough to ask them if they wanted a ride home. So I turned into a nearby parking lot so I could wait for them, and I was just about to turn myself around when I noticed the moon.

Oh, words can't describe the beauty. I looked up and there was a HUGE sliver of the moon hanging from the black sky. But it wasn't yellow or white like normal. No, it was like the colour of a dusty rose, like a nice shade of pink like that. Oh! It was gorgeous! I just had to sit there and stare at it for a while, thanking God for the beauty that he has created for his own glory, and so that we can enjoy it!

Needless to say, I didn't take those people home(they went a different way anyways), and I just drove home happy to be alive!

Love, Ash



Mom and I had a good laugh on our way to the gym today. We were driving along, and we saw this squirrel on the side of the road. It was just scampering about, then all of a sudden it dove right into a little bush! Like, it literally jumped right in, and all you could see was it's little tail waving around as it it's body was inside the bush. Oh man, mom and I couldn't stop laughing. It was too much!!

We saw another squirrel about a week again(once again on our way to the gym) and it stopped by a piece of scrunched up kleenex on the sidewalk. It took it in it's mouth and examined it for a bit, then just tossed it to the side and scampered away.

I think they are so funny sometimes!

Well, it's off to work I go now...I got my first unit for Gr. 11 biology in the mail, so I'm going to start working on that. Anyways...have a good night!

Love, Ash


Oh the age matter....

Why, oh why, did I get asked what grade I was going into TWICE!!!! What is up with that anyways??? Do I honestly look that young? It's pretty sad actually. I know I know, everyone is going to write a comment saying, "Well, consider it a blessing, because when you get older they won't say you're so young anymore..."

I am well aware of that fact.

I am ALSO aware of the fact that I am going to be 21 years old this year and people are still asking me what grade I'm going into!!!!

Ok, so I"m a little miffed..and rightly so I should think. What must I do to make myself look my age??

Mom planted a little seed into my head last night, and it has been germinating and has almost blossomed this whole day. What about if I cut my hair really short like I had it a few years ago? Like, a really nice short, kinda pixie look? What would you think? Would I look my age then?

OH, I don't know really. It's too late to be thinking out all sorts of plans and ideas. My eyes are barely open right now, but my fingers just keep typing ..... and typing.... and typing away. I sometimes wonder if my fingers and my hands have brains of their own!

Whatever it is, I AM TIRED! lol...Ruth-Ann and I walked for almost 2 hours straight tonight, and seriously, I need my bed RIGHT NOW!!! so...it was a good walk, and talk...but yes, and RA will agree with me when I say Exhaustion has settled into these..."old" bones...lol

oh man...will somebody PLEASE verify that I am 20 years old and NOT going into a grade of any kind, just to make me feel better!!!

Love, Ash

Rainy Days and Mondays...

Thankfully it's NOT a rainy day today-but it IS Monday! And I don't have to work today.

I can't believe the crazy weather and storms we had last week. I absolutely love a good thunderstorm, and we had many. They remind me of how powerful God is, how much He is in control. Nature is one of the things that brings me closer to God, remembering how every little intricacy was thought out by Him. I can feel his presence with every touch of a raindrop on my skin, and I can see only a fraction of his artistic handicraft when I look at a sunset. He is so wonderful!!

We rented a movie on the week-end called "The Last Sin Eater". It is based on a book by the Christian author Francine Rivers, one that I have read three times I enjoyed it so much. I was so pleased that there was a movie made about it, and yet I wasn't prepared for the strong message it presented. What an amazing movie! I still enjoyed the book better, but for making a movie so wonderful and conveying such a powerful theme, it was great! It definitely reminded me of how God was so wonderful that He would send his Son to earth to "eat our sins" and give us freedom from them. If you have not seen it, you should, as it is definitely worthwhile!

Yesterday we went on a family bike ride for about an hour. It's quite humourous, all seven of us lined up on our bikes on the bike trail. haha, we're pretty much like a race team or something! It was fun, and the weather was beautiful.

Well, I must go, as I don't want to spend my whole morning or day for that matter in front of this time-sucker! lol...take care, all, and I just want to say thank you to everyone who is praying for me. I can feel the encouragement and love from everyone, and I appreciate it so much!

Have a good day!

Love, Ash


Set the World on Fire...

I have some very sad yet exciting news. I will not be returning to Heritage in the fall. This is the sad news. I know this may come as a shock to many of you, and as major disappointment to many. As I was looking forward to being the secretary on STUCA this coming year as well as getting to know all of the friends I made even better, I feel like I am the worst person in the world.

However, I feel that this is the best thing for me to do, as I have decided to go into nursing. I would really like to do medical missions, and help people in different places around the world. If that is not what God wants for me, then I would be happy just working in Toronto or anywhere really where there are people of different cultures. I am aware that God has given me the gift of connecting with those who speak different languages and who are from different places around the world.

I know this is totally different than what I have been talking about with all of you, as I was orginally going to be in the intercultural studies degree at Heritage. However, I know that I can work interculturally as a nurse, and I feel this is where God is leading me. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me!

This coming year I need to do some courses that I need in order to apply for nursing that I never took in highschool, so I have to do Gr. 11 and 12 Biology and Chemistry. I have to do all four of them this year, distance ed and possibly at night school. If you could remember to pray for me, as I know this year is going to be tough. I never did well in science in school. Honestly, I can't believe that I'm going to have a Bachelor of Science in Nursing when I come through all of this. For those of you who know me, I'm more of the "artsy -fartsy" type who enjoys music, reading, learning languages, and poetry. I am aware that I am going to have to work EXTREMELY hard in these next five years, but I am ready! I have never wanted to do something so much, and I have never felt so at peace about serving God in such a way as I do now.

For those of you at Heritage, I am sorry. I am sorry for letting you down and for leaving you all. I promise you, my year there was the most amazing year ever, and all of you, my friends, I will have with me for the rest of my life! I will come and visit you when I can, and remember to keep in touch by e-mail, facebook, or MSN...even "snail mail" if need be. I will miss you all so much, and even writing this brings tears to my eyes. I was so looking forward to being with you all this year, and being encouraged by your love and ...well..encouragement!! I love you all so much and I will hopefully come and visit you all in September when school starts again.

This is only the first big decision of many in my life, and I am ready for the adventure to begin, because our life with Christ IS an adventure. I am so excited to be serving God in this way, and I can't wait to get out there and help others. I just have to remember that we serve God everyday, so instead of constantly looking to the future, I need to keep in mind the here and now. That is what matters the most!!

Melissa just bought a CD by the new Christian artist Britt Nicole. I've been listening to this CD alot over the past 2 days, and one song in particular really stuck out to me. This is my prayer, and I only hope I can live up to it as I continue on in this life with my Lord and Saviour!!

Set the World on Fire
I wanna set the world on fire
Until it’s burning bright for You
It’s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small butYou,
You are big enough
I, I am weak but You,
You are strong enough to

Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father’s hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah
I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

Programming and Bass by Tedd T. Keys by Josiah Sherman Guitars by Eric Lemiere Written by Britt Nicole, Jason Ingram, and Cindy Morgan © 2007 Britt Nicole Publishing Designee (ASCAP) / Peertunes, Ltd. / GrangeHill Music / J Ingram Music (SESAC) / New Spring Publishing / Soliva Music (ASCAP)

Hope that everyone has a great day, and please feel free to comment...I love you all so much! Take care...

Love, Ash


Family Outings...

Today after my exam, everyone except Graham went down to my uncle's office to get our teeth cleaned at the dentist.

Our wonderful bi-yearly trip is always graced with a rewarding trip to Pizza Hut, as well as detouring over to the Christian bookstore(where we always break down and buy something). This time I bought a book by Emily E. Ryan called Who Has Your Heart?: The Single Woman's Pursuit of Godliness.

I thought this would be an appropriate read, seeing as I am single right now. I want to serve God the best way that I can at this point in my life. This book seemed like a good inspiration, so I will let you know how it goes!

Well, off to the gym now, so have a good night!

Love, Ash

I got my G2!!!!

I'm so excited!! I just finished my driver's exam for my G2 test, and when we were through, my examiner told me that I passed!

What an awesome feeling...I love it! Can't wait to drive by myself now!

HOpe everyone has as awesome a day as I'm going to have! :D

Love, Ash


My week-end...

I had to work yesterday, but today was awesome! I went to church, and then practiced driving with Dad to get ready for my G2 test on Wednesday..btw, if anyone has any pointers, PLEASE let me know!!!

Then I went for a long walk with Ruth-Ann and went out for dinner too. Plus on top of all this happiness, there was a thunderstorm! Pretty much loved it!!!

I hope everyone had a great week-end...take care!

Love, ASh



I don't have much to say today, yet the words I do have to say come from the deepest parts of my heart. I miss all of you, my friends from Heritage! It has been two months, and they have been the longest two months of my life! I just want to say you are all in my thoughts, and I love you guys!
I also miss those of you that I haven't seen in a long time for whatever circumstance. I hope everyone takes care of themselves...

Have a blessed day!

Love, Ash


I'm Back...

Hi everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful week! I know I did, even though I never went on the Internet. Actually, I didn't even notice. It was nice not to have to go on the internet.

But I did miss you all, talking to some of you on MSN and the like.

Last week I almost quit my job,like, was ready to leave that week, without giving 2 wks notice. I would still like to get another job, but I'm not sure. I think I just need to stick it out there. But I really really really don't want to! Remind me to look for jobs next summer while I am actually here in my town, so that I don't have to resort to that job EVER AGAIN!!! lol

I had a good week-end. I visited with friends that I haven't hung out with in a while, and also saw one of my cousins, my uncle, and my grandparents! It was great, and the fireworks were pretty much awesome.

I think it's so funny how, when you go down to the park to watch the fireworks, that there are sooo many people there. I was watching all those guys who think they're cool, you know, the ones with baggy pants and all, and how they strut around acting like they're machos and too cool for everyone else; however, we all know that they're there just to watch the fireworks like everyone else. Love it! hahaha

I'm sitting here listening to the third soundtrack for pirates of the caribbean, and reveling in the sound of my beloved french horn!!! If anyone wants to give me their French Horn that they're not using, PLEASE FEEL FREE! I get this euphoric sense of happiness every time I listen to the sound of this amazing instrument, and then a swift downfall of emotions, as I remember that I don't have one to play. It's been TWO years now, since I have touched one, but man, I am still in love, and can't wait to be reunited one day!

Well, have a great day....

Love to you all!




I forgot to mention that I'm taking internet sabbatical this week. I have been spending entirely too much time online, and I need to take a break!

I do love you all, and hope that everyone takes care and has a wonderful week! If you want to call me, my number is in the phone book! lol...

Love, Ash


I love Sundays...I get to go to church and then either we relax or go and visit our grandparents on special holidays...it's great!

Today we went to church, and then this afternoon I played frisbee with Karl at the park. It was awesome! We stayed for about an hour, and then played on the swings for a while. He is soooo cute!

Mom gave us money for slushies, so we went and got hyper off of coke slushies...perfect day for them too!

Well, it's my day off tomorrow, pretty excited!

hope everyone had a good week-end...

Love, Ash


Take it One Day at a Time...

Well, I have survived yet another week at my job...

I was in training for Tech yesterday and today, so that was a nice change as my schedule was from 7:00 to 3:30.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me. I am going to survive, but I'm just feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

My blog is being slow tonight, so that's all I'm going to write...Hope everyone has a great night!

Love, Ash


Money is NOT everything

I'm thinking about getting a new job. Distributed about 5 resumes downtown today. My job is NOT going as well as I had hoped, and I have lasted better than some people who get a job there.

As much as I thought this job would be good for the money, honestly, it's NOT worth it. I want to be happy, and I don't think that choosing to stay at a job where the majority of the calls are negative is a place that I would describe "positive".

Lots of people have told me to stick it out, that it's only 8 wks left, or not to take it so personally. Haha...you're talking to someone who cries over the stupidest things, and you tell ME not to take it personally??? I think I'll pass thanks!

So, hopefully I get some calls back, as I'm kind of desperate right now for anything-EXCEPT for Tim Hortons...haha...that's where I draw the line!

Anyways...hope everyone has a great night!

Love, Ash


If you have a Dream...

Someone sent this to me the other day, and it was sent at the exact moment that I needed to hear it:

Don't wait for some distant day to come,it may be too late before you've even begun.Not everyone will agree with all you decide.

Be true to yourself first and foremost.The only important thing in life is what you dowith the time you spend here on earth.

Don't be afraid to follow your desires,they are not silly nor selfish.Take the time and do what makes you feel alive.

Leave your fears and regrets in the past,for this is where they belong.Don't cloud today with things that can't be undone.

You have no more control over yesterday or tomorrow,than you do the raging of your passions.Do not quiet these dreams nor quench your desires.

For if you do, your journey is ended.You have only today to begin anew and follow your dreams.For in the end all we have are our memories.

When the twilight comes to us, let there be,

No excuses, no explanations, no regrets!
~Author Unknown~

Sometimes I feel that I have made the biggest mistakes in life, but I have to learn to let go, to forgive myself, to move on. I constantly have to tell myself that I have learned from the mistakes I have done wrong. I grow from those, become a better person because of it. I know what I will NOT do in the future.

Why is it so hard to forgive YOURSELF???

It's so easy to say, "I forgive you" to everyone else, but we beat ourselves up over the things we have done. We never learn to say those three words to ourselves. Even God says he forgives and forgets. He moves on. He wants us to live for the here and now, not constantly think about the past and our regrets.

I'm finding this very difficult to do. Until I can finally forgive myself, only then will I be able to truly love others, to open my heart and live with abandon. My regrets are holding me back from doing the things I need to do in life, from being exuberantly happy.

My cautious and anxiety driven lifestyle keeps me from doing the things I want to do the most. Of course I have to be careful about the things I do, but I can't let my worries, fears, regrets, and guilt weigh me down.

I have freedom in Christ! He has saved me from my sins, from my regrets and mistakes!! He died for me when I didn't even deserve it, yet I still can't figure out a way to let go.

Humanity is such a complicated thing. Sometimes I feel my humanity to the point where I am overcome with so much shame and guilt. Those are the times when I know that God is saying, "Come here, Ashleigh. Rest in me. Lay all your burdens on me. I can carry them for you. You don't have to do it all on your own. Tell me your troubles. Confide in me. Let me help you. "

It's His way of saying, "relax...slow down...delight in me and my words that you will read in your Bible. Know that you are forgiven. I have given you grace even when you don't deserve it, because I love you."

God's grace abounds, and He offers it freely. I have come to understand it in a totally new way this past year. In a way that makes me grateful every time we sing about it in church, or I read about it in my Bible.

Thank you, God, for forgiveness and grace!! Help me now to forgive myself and live free of regret!
I love you, Father!

Love, Ash


oh...I love PORTUGUESE!

ok, so my day didn't start out the greatest...I think I was a little cranky because I got too much sleep.
AND I had an escalation with one of my calls, so that made me feel much worse. BUT...

about 15 minutes before work was up, I got a call from a dealer at Radio shack who had PERFECT English, and then I heard him speaking in a different language to a customer in the background. I thought it was Spanish because that is usually the language I hear from other customers. Then I realized that I understand what he was saying, and it was PORTUGUESE!!! My heart, you would not believe it, started being like over a mile a minute, I was SO crazy excited!

I waited until he finished talking to the customer, and then I said to him, "Voce fala portugues?" "you speak Portuguese?" and then he responded in Portuguese "yes". ... and then it took off from there! He asked me if I would prefer talking in English or Portuguese, and I definitely chose Portuguese! man, it was AWESOME! and my heart started beating even faster, and then I was just on cloud nine.

Wow, sometimes I am overwhelmed by the emotion that I feel just by speaking and understanding Portuguese. It's like I practically float, and my heart goes into overdrive!

As it turns out, he was also from Goias, the state that Joyce's mission is in! No wonder I understood him, because he spoke exactly the same way that I learned! He was so nice, and he definitely made my day!

When I hung up, one of the guys sitting beside me said jokingly, "you're not allowed to speak another language on the floor!" I said, "why not?" and he said, "because I don't understand you!" lol...it was great.

Then after work me and 3 of the other girls that were in my training class went out to Boston Pizza for dinner, and since it's the last day of our training class, we all won't be together again! So we took some pictures, and it was fun.

All in all my day was so-so, but talking portuguese definitely was the highlight!

HOpe ya'll have a wonderful week-end...love you guys!
love, Ash


Hello, my name is Ashleigh, and thank you for calling.

Good evening to all-I hope that the day has gone well.

Mine went relatively good. I actually went to the gym today, after two days of laziness and total "bla-ness". I'm glad I went, even though I had to get up at 6AM. I felt more energized before work, and then 4PM comes around, and I start to feel tired again.

I've written so many blogs this month. Not too sure what the occasion was, but I'm pretty sure it was epic!!

I'm going to bed soon...love to you all!

Good night.

Love, Ash


I love you all!

Someone sent this to me in an e-mail today, and I thought I would post it here. This goes out to all my family and friends that I don't see very often, and to my Heritage peeps whom I miss very much!

Just Thinking
When we're apart,
I want you to keep me in your heart..
and in your mind.
Just quietly close your eyes once in a while
and imagine me here,
smiling and thinking
such thankful thoughts of you.
For I spend so many quiet moments.....
of my ownthinking how much I miss you,
.....and how hard it is to be apart,
.....and how wonderful it isthat you're always with me,warm and cherished
...here in my heart.

By--Collin McCarty--

Henri, the Vacuum...His job SUCKS!!

What happens when you mix a sense of humour with a long day of boring calls?

A VERY corny joke!

One of the ladies who is in my training class told me this joke an hour before I was finished work, and I couldn't stop laughing. I guess at the moment I really needed a good laugh.

I went through the drive thru with one of my customers who called today. It was awesome! She was from Texas, and she said, "hold on for a moment" and then I heard, "ya, can I get 2 corn dogs, a grilled cheese sandwich..." lol, oh man! It was so random.

So when I told her I had never had a corn dog before, she went on about how they were so good and told me if I ever come to Texas that I should get one.

We finally got our logins today, after 2 hours of being on a computer with somebody else, so I was really happy about that. For the rest of the day I was by myself, asking questions the whole while of course.

It was a really good day, and although my cold hasn't gone away, I didn't have a headache today like I did yesterday, so I'm fine with that!

Hope everyone has a great night!

Love, Ash


Yesterday I wasn't by myself afterall taking calls. My training class still hasn't received our logins yet, so...ya.
Oh well...that just means more practice and having someone right there with us to help, so that's good.

I have a cold, and a little bit of my allergies flared up, so I haven't been feeling the greatest the past two days. Ah well...such is life!

I am so happy because I bought a digital camera on Monday! it's my first digital camera ever, and I am ecstatic! I have been going picture crazy and annoying people...it's great!

Hope everyone has a great day...I'm off to work now!

Love you all!



It doesn't say Brasil on it!

Oh my mom is sooo funny! Yesterday was the sidewalk sale downtown, and so they had some vendors that aren't usually there. There was one booth with flags of the world, so I bought a Brasilian flag. I just showed it to mom, and she said, "It doesn't say Brasil on it!"...I looked at her, and said, "uh, mom, does Canada's flag say Canada on it?!"

haha...that was one of the best blond moments ever!

I have to go now-we're going to a family reunion today, and just heading out the door...just wanted to share with you this moment of hilarity!

Hope everyone has a great day...take care!

Love, Ash


Y'all better fix this, or I am NOT going to be a happy camper!

It seems like today is a beautiful day. I haven't gone outside yet, but soon I will.

Last night I got home from work and went to visit my neighbour next door. It was great, and I'm glad I could see her.

Work is going better-I've been asking SO many questions, but that is ok-that's how we learn, right? I have dealt with many irate customers, and it has definitely been wearing on my patience level! I'm learning to take it in strides...

I love the Americans accents. Some of them are really great, and it is so easy to tell when they come from Texas or New York or Georgia! It's awesome!

Hope everyone has a great day!

Love, Ash


new shift=HEADACHES!!

I started working 11-7 today. It was ok, but I definitely had a headache when I came home(although that could have been do to the humidity that was outside, a drastic difference than air conditioning inside the building)

ok, so people generally aren't happy when they call in with their complaints about their cell phones...keep that in mind: this is a message to anyone who has ever called to complain about something. Remember that the person you are talking to is not in charge of the policies, and if they say they can't do something, they are generally telling the truth! AAARGH!

I'm sorry, that's all i have to write about tonight...:D

Take care, and sleep well!

Love, Ash

Mr. Sandman eyes

Good evening-er, morning I should say.

Just got home from work, and uh, just a little tired I guess. It was a LONG night, but we hardly did anything-just listening in on calls, practicing, and yes, I took my first call tonight! All in all I took about 12 calls, but over half of them were transfers, but that's ok. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but tomorrow I'll be by myself! haha I just laugh at myself.


Ya, I should be in bed-I start work at 11AM tomorrow, and I actually have to get up early to go to the gym with mom :S (she goes at like 6:10 or so)

That was my fun day...I almost forgot about my morning...sooooooooooo long ago!

I sat out on the deck upstairs and painted my nails orange and worked on my tan. It's coming, slowly but surely. The trick is to only get sun at little intervals, then I won't burn and peel. How I dread the burn and peel!!! haha...it sounds like an excercise move or something...
I can hear it now..."OK GIRLS!!! You can do it! the burn and peel!! 1..2..3........1...2...3...one more time!!!"

ok, now I've officially decided it's time for bed...that was my cue

Good night all!

Love, Ash


"Happy Dead Queen Day"

One of mom's friends said this to me today, and I couldn't help but laugh, so I hope someone else found the humour in it too!

So, some updates on my life...

Work has been going ok. The training is boring like always, but tomorrow is the last day for it, and then I start taking calls on Wednesday! I'm so nervous, but I know it's going to be great. I have been getting rides to and from work, so my butt isn't sore anymore lol. However, my shifts change on Wednesday to 11AM to 7:30PM, so I'm just going to ride my bike again. I love riding my bike, and it's good exercise too.

Last week I got to hang out with a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a long time. She just had her birthday, but she lives out in the country and doesn't get into town much. But it was good to see her. Then on Saturday I got to hang out with Ruth-Ann, and we tried on so many clothes at the mall, ate dinner at McDonald's, and then watched Fracture with Anthony Hopkins, and Ryan Gosling (*sigh*-he's so cute)...it was an ok movie, but not something I'd watch again.
Yesterday Natalie came to visit me on her way home!!! I was so happy to see my beautiful roomie, and I'm glad she came!

Today was a good day, I cleaned the van, Mom and Van did some gardening(beautiful hobby-mom just recently took it up again), Dad...did his own thing like always(same as Karl), Graham did some homework and went for a bike ride with someone from church, and Melissa went to work. so, all in all, fun week-end...

hope everyone had a great week-end too!

Love, Ash

My Sister-the Star!!

My sister Melissa is going to be, and already is, a star! I'm so proud of her!

I'm going to explain, don't worry.

Melissa sang about 3 songs in the Kiwanis Festival this year, and her marks were amazing. So amazing, in fact, that the head people of the Festival called her up and asked her if she would like to sing at the Stars of the Festival. This is an evening where only the best of the best perform, and there are only about 20 participants(that's not very many, considering there are so many divisions in the Festival, including piano, violin, vocal, concert bands, and more) This is also the evening where they hand out trophies and monetary awards to other performances who were also excellent.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone else who was in the festival isn't good enough to perform for this evening, however, you have to admit it is such an honour to be asked to be in this special performance at the end of the festival.

And out of all the many people who performed, Melissa was one of the people they asked to perform!!! I'm so excited, and so proud of her! This will be her first time on stage by herself in front of an audience, and although she is nervous, it is a wonderful opportunity. If any of you see her in the next week(the performance is next Monday) just encourage her and/or congratulate her, because this is a very big deal in her life!

Melissa, good luck, I know you are going to be amazing, and I look forward to hearing you sing finally!!! Love you!

Love, Ash


Rain and Rainbows

Last night on our 45 min. lunch break(shhhh...don't tell anyone I said that, because we're only supposed to get 30 min.!!) I walked to Subway to get something to eat. I was just a little bit upset about walking, I mean, it is ONLY 10 min. away, but there were some snobby girls from my training class who went right past me, and didn't even offer to pick me up.

Pretending to be nonplussed, i turn away and look at the sky, only to notice part of a rainbow in and among the clouds.

It was then that I knew that I was meant to walk to Subway. If I hadn't walked, I would not have noticed that rainbow. I would not have even been looking at the sky. It was a reminder that we need to slow things down. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Next time it rains, just go for a slow walk with someone you love and look for one!

It also reminded me of God's promise in the book of Genesis. He said that by displaying a rainbow, he is telling us that he will never again flood the whole earth like he did when Noah was alive.

I know that some people have changed the meaning of the rainbow, but I know what I believe. It is a sign of hope and peace, and God's blessings and promises to us.

I hope that everyone has a great day today...enjoy the rain: the smell of earth, the feel of the mist lightly touching your skin, the renewal that it brings!

Love, Ash


A New Job and a Sore Bottom

I started my new job yesterday. It was...LONG.

Eight hours of solid training in a computer lab is, to say the least, very tiring. However, I am getting paid to train, and it will definitely be helpful in the end. I mean, if I wasn't getting trained, I would not be prepared to do the job at all.

But I rode my bike(or I guess I should say, my mom's bike) for the first time in what seems like infinity, and my bottom hurts so bad from that stupid seat! I suppose I will get used to it in time, but for now I don't really want to sit down anywhere! haha

I should go now- have lots of things to do and little time to do them.

I hope that everyone has a great day!

Love, Ash


Today is the Day!

with all this hubbub of excitement I feel for starting my new job today, I hope that it actually goes well!
I'm looking forward to it!
This morning mom and I went to the gym and worked out-it was good, spending time with her and just bonding. I love doing that, and I hope that I can be as dedicated as she is to this! I'm so proud of her!

Well...hope everyone has a great afternoon. I will let you all know how my first day went tomorrow!

Love, Ashleigh



I just feel like writing again...BORED.

I'm so excited about starting my job tomorrow.

I've heard many MANY mixed feelings towards this type of job, but I'm keeping positive.

My goal is to learn much, to become more patient and more tolerant.

I believe that you can learn something from every situation you are in, so I'm looking forward to see what the summer brings!

Love, Ash

It's a New Day

Good morning to all.

I hope that my last blog did not alarm you too much. Considering I have never shared my true feelings with many of you concerning Brasil,I know that my words came on very sad and depressed. However, I was feeling much better yesterday and today as well. I do have days when I feel very sad like I was on Friday night, and I find that writing about it or talking it over with people helps very much so. It's just something I have learned to deal with as I adjust and go through changes in my life.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I saw two of my friends get married-it was a wonderful wedding. I got to go out for lunch with one of my sisters, and then in the evening I went to a choral performance with my other sister.

What a beautiful sunny day it is today! I hope that I can get outside to enjoy it. I hope that everyone has a great day, spending time with family or just enjoying the day.

Love, Ashleigh


Oh man

This is how life is...some days are good, and others are bad. However.
Our attitudes are a choice. I can choose to be happy or sad. Yet, it seems that there are days when I just want to be sad, because I honestly don't believe that there is any other reason to be happy.
Like right now.
When all I can honestly think about is Brasil and how much I miss the people there and the lifestyle. I don't understand how 51/2 months of living in one place can make such an impact on a person.
But it has.
And I can't seem to get it out of my mind.
It is almost as if I am plagued daily by memories of that beloved place.
And there are days when I feel like sobbing for hours and hours because I can't stand the thought of not being able to see the friends where the connections and love ran so deep.
Ai, que dor!! What pain I feel in my heart!

Yet, as I think about this, I can only remember my family and friends that I have here in Canada. I am so blessed, and yet am so selfish as to think about those I have only just met yet a short while ago. God has given me wonderful family and friends. And I suppose that being in Brasil only reinforced that fact- I have also made new wonderful friends there as well.

How can I be right, however, to desire to go back with such a longing that it fairly rips my heart out whenever I see a plane pass overhead in the clear blue sky? I don't understand, and nobody else does either. Oh, sure, everyone can sympathize. But I'm pretty sure that my family is going insane because everything seems to relate back to Brasil whenever I talk to them. And I'm also fairly sure that they are getting annoyed when I teach them little phrases in Portuguese just so I can share with them the joy I have in speaking it.

It comes to this: I don't know how to deal with these feelings anymore. I wish sometimes that God would take away my feelings for this place, but then I know that would be unrealistic, because some feelings can't change. Like, EVERYTHING seems to relate back to this wonderful country. Sometimes I'll be walking along and I'll smell something that reminds me so much of Brasil it brings tears to my eyes. How can I go on living like this???

I wish God was more clear in telling us what to do with our lives. I feel like I have no direction and that my only desire is to go back to Brasil.


Love, Ashleigh


God is so good....Deus e tao bom!!!

I was totally worried yesterday as to what I should do with this whole job thing. I was weighing out the pros and cons and going over everything that I would do.

So when today finally came, and I headed over to my soon-to-be place of employment, I was not even sure what I was going to say to Suzie*.
She pulls out some sheets for me to sign, and then offhandedly remarks that she was able to get Sundays off for me.

Inside, my head was screaming at me, "SHE WHAT?!!!" I was so excited, and when she came back in the room, I thanked her profusely.

Now I am excited, I have a full time job in the summer, doing something totally different and new, making more money than Tim Hortons, and I don't have to work on Sundays!!!

God answers prayer that's for sure! I know it may not seem like this all the time, but obviously he wanted me to take this job for some reason or another! I am so happy and I just want to tell the world!!!

I hope everyone has a great afternoon...I'm headed off to get a check-up on my braces and other fun things such as this!

I start my new job on Monday, and I'm looking forward to see what God has in store for me this summer!

Love, Ash


Home and A New Job

Ok, so here's how it goes.

I came home last Friday, and ever since then I have been settling in and spending time with my family.
Now it's time to get a job.

So, yesterday I called this place, and the lady, Suzie* wanted me to come in for an computer test. I completed this, and made an appointment for an interview this morning.

The Interview
(now completed, and me shaking like a nervous leaf)
Suzie: I would like to offer you a job.
Me: Oh Thank you!
Suzie: Now, are you available on week-ends?
Me: On Saturdays yes, but Sundays, no, because I go to church.
Suzie, troubled: Oh, this is going to be a problem.

Then she asks me when the service is and asks if I would be able to work afterwards. What am I supposed to say? I guess so, i mean, I would prefer not to, I mean, I ONLY QUIT MY JOB AT THE LIBRARY 4 YEARS AGO BECAUSE THEY WANTED ME TO WORK ON SUNDAYS!!!

Ok, ok, I'll calm down. But seriously. Doesn't the Lord say we are supposed to have some sort of a Sabbath day? Sure, for some people it could be Saturdays or Mondays, but for me it happens to be Sundays because that is when church is. Does nobody recognize the need for the world to be still at least one day of the week? When will anyone notice that God is even there if we work 24/7!!! That was God's whole plan: He created the world in 6 days and then rested on the 7th as a model for us to go by. Who cares what day of the week it is, as long as we take time to rest and SLOW DOWN.

So what am I doing if I say yes I will work on Sundays!!! Am I going against all that I have stood up for? Am I giving in to the world? Does it even matter anymore? I mean, everyone works on Sundays but do I have to as well? What happens if I say , No, I won't work? Will I get another good job that offers as much money as they do? Am I willing enough to trust God and hope that He has another job for me?

I mean, with this job I can't even get another part time job because the hours are so crazy. Does that mean that I might have to use OSAP for second semester and be in crazy debt?!!! I don't want to use OSAP, and that was the purpose of this summer, to get a full time and part time job so I would NOT have to resort to OSAP.

This is a crazy rant...I'm sorry, guys, I'm just trying to work out my thoughts. I'm really frustrated and not too sure what this next week will bring. Trusting in God is never easy, but I'm going to be doing a lot of praying tonight so that I can have an answer for Suzie tomorrow.

The team going to pakistan from our school left today, so if everyone could pray that God will keep them safe in this part of the world especially.

Thanks for reading, sorry I'm so messed up today.
Hope everyone has a great day..
Love, Ash

*name changed to protect the innocent