Work and Sleepy Lids...

I woke up this morning NOT wanting to get up, but I dragged my body out of bed and got ready to work in the office. I still haven't started, but soon I must go. I also go back to the tuxedo shop today, which I am nervous about. Not so much because of what happened to me there, but I am starting back at the beginning of the busy season. My time will be consumed with weddings, weddings, and more weddings, fittings, measuring...yikes.

Well, I am thoroughly grateful to God that I have this job. I handed out about 15 resumes, maybe a few more, and only Second Cup called me back, for part time hours. It's hard to find a job in these days.

I trust everyone is doing well-hopefully the sun will shine today, after hiding its face for a long while. Last night was a beautiful night so I talked Jake into going for a walk(I had to take some things back to the library anyhow). It was indeed wonderful to get out in the fresh air.

I also made perogies for Missy and I at her house, and played with her new kitties, Eddie and Bella, and we watched Sweet Home Alabama, which is quite possibly one of my favourite movies. Because the main character's name is Jake. Just kidding :D But I believe it is one of my favourite movies. Such a sweet love story!

I must away. But I trust you all have a great day!



Rain and Sleepless Nights...

It is not until the storm clouds blow in that I really notice how the weather affects my mood. If it were warmer and raining, I would be fine. But this cold, wet rain, and dark and dreary day makes me want to curl up in my bed and never come out.

The combination of thinking about work, money, and school left me restless last night, and sleep eluded me. I don't know why I worry so much. Especially with school-if I just had enough motivation to get things done, then I wouldn't be in this predicament.

However, my love life is on a record high :) and I couldn't be happier right now. God works so unexpectedly sometimes. I never anticipated having a boyfriend so soon, but somehow it's the right time. It feels right, and everything that led up to these moments was written by the hand of God. He alone has written my story, and I feel blessed to say that it includes Jake.


I love birch trees. There is one right outside my window, and I am watching it's heart-shaped leaves flutter in the wind, it's white bark dulled to a dark gray from the rain. The birds are chirping happily, quite possibly as they look for worms to feed their young. This year I have seen two robin's nests, filled with babies, their mouths open wide in greedy expectancy of food. It is a marvelous sight.

May your day be blessed!



The Fountain

Good afternoon :D

I am not really sure what to write about today, so I decided I would post a poem that I wrote a while ago. I found it, and I thought I had posted it on here already. But here goes:

The Fountain

I walk into the garden
Surrounded by the moonlight.
Sillouhettes of statues
Are rising from the ground.

A warm breeze lightly blowing,
Sounds of the fountain gently flowing,
The night air is heady
With flowers softly blooming.

My feet on cool cobblestone
Step onto the grass,
Searching for the maze
Past the garden walls.

Running, running, running,
Running through the maze,
I stop to catch my breath,
And look up to the stars.

I enter the garden once more,
And notice that silence abounds.
No crickets' chirp, no owl's hoot,
Only. Silence. Still.

Suddenly I hear the sound
Of footsteps coming down the path.
I see a figure up ahead,
Moving slowly, shoulders slumped.

Hiding, hiding, hiding,
I must find a place to hide.
Trees along the garden edge
Provide the perfect spot.

With bated breath, I watch him
As he walks towards the fountain.
He takes a seat upon the ledge
And then he starts to weep.

His wailing shatters the quiet,
And echoes within the walls,
My heart, though it still is afraid,
Aches for this man who mourns.

What could it be, that makes him cry,
That causes tears to fall?
Who was she who broke his heart,
And makes him suffer alone?

Still afraid, but with some courage,
I walk towards the stranger.
Inexplicably, I know who He is,
This sobbing Man.

Those tears He cries
Because of me,
His heart is torn
From what I've done.

I fall to the ground,
Shocked and horrified,
Guilt, shame, and regret
Well up within me.

Remembering what I've done,
How I haven't done enough,
So complacently and carelessly
I disregard His words:

Be SET APART from the world,
Take a STAND for my name,
And share my LOVE with others.

The depth of my shame
Cannot compare to
The depth of his hurt
And how much he suffered.

He looks up now,
Tears stream down His face,
His eyes are sad,
But somehow full of grace.

I am unable to look
Into his piercing gaze,
But He compels me
And tells me He loves me still.

He smiles at me,
and takes my hand.
He pulls me up from the dirt
And I feel at peace.

He leads me into the fountain,
His strong hand never lets go,
And I watch as the water
Displaces when our feet step in.

Our clothes become soaked
From the downpour above,
But the water washes over me,
Cleansing. Purifying. Renewing.

My skin tingles,
Every sense is alive,
My eyes close
As I revel in this moment.

I open my eyes,
Finding myself alone.
But my heart is full,
And His presence surrounds me still.

March 10, 2009


Give Love a Chance...

I am reflecting on things that have been happening in my life lately, things that are amazing, and things that were not seemingly amazing at the time. However, I am starting to understand some of God's purpose, as if I am reaching the light at the end of a long and very dark tunnel. He has brought me through so much in the past few years, and has taught me some very valuable lessons, one of which is how to trust Him no matter what. He remained with me when I thought I didn't deserve His love.

This song is incredible-It's by Barlowgirl, and as I was listening to it tonight, the lyrics just became that much more meaningful.

Need You To Love Me

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.

But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me.
I just never saw how you
Could cherish me.

Cause you’re a God who has all things,
And still you want me.

And I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Yeah, ye-ea-eah

Your love makes me forget what I have been.
Your love makes me see who I really am.
Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.

And I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to love me, ye-ea-eah!
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to…
oh oh oh oh eo (x4)
Love me, love me, yah

Find it on www.youtube.com under "I need you to love me-Barlowgirl"

Love, Ash


Iced Coffees and Sunshine...

I am hoping to be a volunteer with an organization in Cambridge that works with elderly people. I had an "interview" with the coordinator today, and she asked me all about myself, what my interests are and such. The premise of their program is that they pair volunteers with elderly people who have similar interests, to ease loneliness for them, as well as to give their caregivers a break. I am interested in doing this so that I can bring happiness to people's lives, as well as give them something to look forward to. I also don't volunteer of my time and abilities as much as I should, so I think this will be a good experience.

It's free iced coffee day at Tim's today, so I got one and pretty well fell over. They are SO incredibly good, and definitely refreshing on a day like today! The sun is shining so bright and strong that I am inclined to go and sit outside!

I also cleaned my room today-it wasn't too messy, but it definitely needed straightening up. There is something so relieving in getting things in order.

I hope you have a great day-don't forget to sit outside and drink your free iced coffee :) It's only until 5 pm by the way.




Goodbyes are not forever....

Wednesday already! How is it that time goes by so fast! Even though the week-end was a long one, it sure flew by.

Last night we drove my roommate to the airport. She's going on a missions trip to Japan. I'm excited for her, as she graduated this year and is ready for whatever God will bring her way. But I know I will miss her this summer! She will do fine, I'm sure. Adventures are always good!

I'm sitting in a room that's not my own(simply because my own internet jack doesn't work), listening to Albanian music. I am debating whether to go to bed or not. I don't have anything specific to do tomorrow, but I am sure sleep would be good. I always find myself puttering before I go to bed, dreading going to bed but knowing I should at the same time. It's the weirdest thing.

Have a great night/day, depending on when you read this!



Weddings and Pollen...

Tomorrow, a couple from my first year is getting married. I was talking with some other girls, how we have pretty much grown together over the years, watching each other mature and change. It's so neat, and sad at the same time. I think these next years will be so different as all my friends start to get married. But it's good. Weddings are good, and symbolize people's love for each other. Love is good :)

It has been so interesting watching the transformation into spring here at the school. Usually we aren't here long enough in the year to see all the different trees that flower and the beautiful grass in the front. I have been enjoying all the beauty around me, including the hidden lilac trees among the other shrubs that line the sidewalk. I have also been soaking up the sun, when it's not too chilly from the wind. I got the funniest burn on Monday, however, because I was sitting cross-legged. You can imagine what my legs looked like!

I do not enjoy sitting in the sun as much as i used to, because I am more aware of the dangers of the rays. The pull to enjoy the warmth, however, oftentimes supercedes my health conscious attitudes :)

God bless!



April showers bring May flowers...

I haven't been able to write since I've been out of the hospital, but I figured I should start blogging again sooner or later. On Saturday it was exactly a month from the time I collapsed, and since then I have not doubted God's love for me, although I have doubted why this happened to me. Unless God decides to reveal the answer to me, I will never know, so it is almost better to stop thinking about it. I know that everyone says God had a reason for this, and it touched many people's lives, but it's different for me because I was actually the one who went through it. I am experiencing it from another point of view. However, I don't want anyone trying to give me answers, because I think sometimes we speak too much, rather than just accept the fact that God knows them all. I am just giving some random thoughts, things I have been thinking about.

I know one thing for sure. God is breaking down my pride, because I have had to be dependent on people for things. It is so hard to ask for rides places, or ask someone to help me carry something when I know full well I can carry it. Even being in the hospital was humiliating itself, having no modesty, and people seeing me at my "worst", as it were. I know God will continually do work on me over the span of my lifetime, and this is definitely the lesson for right now.

However, there is much to look forward to, like getting a job, and finishing out my semester. I decided to live in dorm this summer, and I am looking forward to it.

I want to thank all of you again for your prayers while I was sick, but please continue to pray for me, because I am still trying to recover and test my limits.

Thanks so much!