April showers bring May flowers...

I haven't been able to write since I've been out of the hospital, but I figured I should start blogging again sooner or later. On Saturday it was exactly a month from the time I collapsed, and since then I have not doubted God's love for me, although I have doubted why this happened to me. Unless God decides to reveal the answer to me, I will never know, so it is almost better to stop thinking about it. I know that everyone says God had a reason for this, and it touched many people's lives, but it's different for me because I was actually the one who went through it. I am experiencing it from another point of view. However, I don't want anyone trying to give me answers, because I think sometimes we speak too much, rather than just accept the fact that God knows them all. I am just giving some random thoughts, things I have been thinking about.

I know one thing for sure. God is breaking down my pride, because I have had to be dependent on people for things. It is so hard to ask for rides places, or ask someone to help me carry something when I know full well I can carry it. Even being in the hospital was humiliating itself, having no modesty, and people seeing me at my "worst", as it were. I know God will continually do work on me over the span of my lifetime, and this is definitely the lesson for right now.

However, there is much to look forward to, like getting a job, and finishing out my semester. I decided to live in dorm this summer, and I am looking forward to it.

I want to thank all of you again for your prayers while I was sick, but please continue to pray for me, because I am still trying to recover and test my limits.

Thanks so much!



Singinglady said...

Thanks for sharing my darling.
I know this is not easy for you right as you try to put this whole experience into perspective
We may never know the reason this happened to you but the main thing is God's hand was IN IT and ON YOU right from the start and ... if you want to take it EVEN FARTHER BACK that one month ago ...you can say that it was right from October 17, 1986!

God is good and He did not let you go though all this , or any of us, for that matter without a much bigger purpose in mind, not only for you but I think many others as well.

Only time will tell!

In the meantime, you just concentrate on getting back you strength and doing what you have to to finish off your course and we will pray for you as you stay on there this summer.

We also know how humbling it is to have to ask for things and accept help from others as this is what Pops and I have had to go through ourselves as he went through the many months of his illness.

These things too are to teach us that although it is nice to be able to do things for others all the time, this also gives hem the opportunity to experience giving to others.
Thanks you writing again, This is one of your many gifts hat bless others and I know that I will not be the only that has been waiting for this day to come again

We love you so much my darling.

Many hugs and kisses from Nan xoxoxo

Missy said...

I love you Ash! You are an amazing person and I'm sorry that this happened to you. But it is making you stronger!
You're amazing!!
Love Missy