8.30.2010

The Diamonds of Time...

I watched an Old Spice commercial where the actor was trying to appeal to women, so they would make their partners buy Old Spice. At one point, he was making a case for how good Old Spice made him look by letting dozens and dozens of diamonds flow through his hand. In other words, women whose partners use Old Spice could have all those diamonds.

Without going into Old Spice and its effectiveness for producing a spate of diamonds, I was once again reminded of how time slips through our fingers, just like those diamonds. In the moment it is shiny, glittering, stunning, there is only one of its kind.

As Dad and I spent most of the day together on Saturday, we revisited some of the time that has passed, and shared some memories, while creating new memories at the same time. We went hiking for about two hours, wading through small, leafy jungles, and exploring cool, moss-covered rocky caverns, enjoying some of the greatest pieces of God's creative masterpieces. We drove and drove, stopping only for an iced coffee at Tim Hortons, laughing at random and curious people, and then relaxing for another couple hours at the bustling beach. We talked about a variety of things, and caught up on some much needed father-daughter time; of this, one does not quickly forget. I am grateful for those diamond moments, those sparkling, precious, rare pieces of articulated beauty. Thank you, Dad, for suggesting this wonderful week-end, complete with time spent with other family as well.

Thank you, my Jesus, for this start of a new journey...

Love,
Ashleigh

8.27.2010

Camping...

This week-end I'm going camping with Dad. I'm not really sure what to expect. We don't really hang out that much, nor are we from a "camping family". Nonetheless, I am excited. I'm bringing my guitar, and we're going to sing, and we'll probably read our Bibles together. I just hope I don't get bitten by mosquitos. I don't even know where we're going, but at least it's nearing fall so there won't be too many bugs. I have turned into a city girl, and I don't mind. I just love people, and having all the amenities nearby.

For the past couple days I have been doing something that I hope I can keep up as a habit. I wake up, make myself a pot of green tea, a bowl of oatmeal, and sit at the kitchen table to read my Bible. It has been very refreshing, and I even wrote a corresponding journal this morning. I know the importance of keeping a spiritual journal, so this is something I want to keep on doing. I just need to give myself more time to do it, and if only I could fit a run in there somehow...

Love,
Ashleigh

Music and Thoughts Therein...

I don't quite understand the connection between music and emotion, or even writing, for that matter. However, I started listening to Canvas by Imogen Heap, and within moments I was inspired to write. Sometimes when I listen to music, certain chord progressions and harmonies cause me to feel such depth of emotion from somewhere inside, somewhere I didn't even know existed. It's amazing how God designed us so perfectly and intricately. (Psalm 139:13-16) It's like listening to a French horn. I feel this pain of sweet emotion well up within me, mixed with a warmth and happiness at the sound of such a mellow instrument. How I love what music does to me.

Many people laugh at me, because the moment I hear music playing, I start to dance. I feel like I should be an interpretive dancer. It's like my body doesn't want me to stay still. The music is the paintbrush, and my movements are the canvas, creating a masterpiece of dance for all to see, and for the glory of God. It seems there are limitless ways to express the emotions we feel, and thankfully dance is one of those blessed forms. I don't dance enough anymore...

Love,
Ashleigh

8.21.2010

We Start to Dance...

Imagine a rain shower.

The droplets faintly soak into your skin, and the air is warm, damp.

You start to dance, overpowered with an incredible urge to thank God for this beautiful weather. Nothing will stop you, swaying this way and that, jumping into every puddle. Your face lifts towards the tears of heaven, desiring to feel His strong hands touching your moistened skin.

In time, your clothes become heavy, encumbered with the water. It becomes hard to walk, hard to stay warm, hard to dance.

Just when you think you cannot take one step farther, you reach home.

When the rain showers of life try to take our joy, remember that we need only take one step to come home to the open arms of our Father, receiving His warmth and love, and relishing the real JOY that only comes from Him.

Thankfully, He never gives us more than we can handle.

I want to delight in Him more.

Love,
Ashleigh

8.20.2010

Looking Ahead...

I have often found it difficult to live with a group of girls. I think it lost its appeal after my first year in college (and not because my roommates were awful...first year was the best!). I just find living with other girls tedious. There is so much passive aggressiveness that goes with it; we never find the strength to be honest with each other, so we talk about each other behind our backs. What a great way to try to create community(mega sarcasm implied). It's a terrible habit we've gotten ourselves into.

I loved sharing a room with my sister. We had a system, and we loved listening to the same music. We stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning, and bonded over many nights of tears and laughter. Sure, we had our fights, but she was the best roommate I could have had. It just hit me: we will never be roommates again. Everything has changed; she is married, and now I'm getting married in a short 71 days.

Once October 30th comes around, I will be roommates with Jake. For the rest of my life. Sometimes it makes my head spin a little bit, and my heart soar up in the clouds somewhere. I will be with my love, living in each other's space, and being able to spend quality time without having inhibitions. Jake and I have often talked about the things that we're looking forward to once we become roommates, and there are lots of them! But we will be more than roommates. We will be marriage partners. Our souls and hearts and bodies will be connected in a sacred union before God. This means I need to put aside that passive aggressiveness I'm used to using on girls. I will need to be open and honest about my difficulties, about my struggles, and I won't be able to run away and hide when I need a moment to myself or when I don't feel like talking anymore. We'll be doing real life. Together. Living out our beliefs in a Christian marriage that has been blessed before the sight of God.

In some ways, I find this to be a daunting task. I am afraid of what kinds of things Jake will find in me once we start interacting with each other on that deeper level. I am afraid of what insecurities will come out, or what I will start to say or do. On the other hand, I am definitely looking forward to it. I am excited to see how God will grow our relationship, and how much more I will begin to mature.

When I think about being married to Jake, and living in the same place with him every day, I am reminded of God's grace and his endless mercy. I never imagined what it would be like to be patiently waiting for my wedding day to arrive. It's been a crazy journey, my friends. I have grown a lot, and changed, and my mind is slowly starting to think like a wife.

I don't think one ever becomes fully prepared to be a spouse on the day of their wedding, but I'm ready for it. I desire to learn how to become more humble and willing to take responsibility for my actions. I desire to learn how to love Jake as my husband and to respect him and submit to his leadership. I desire to grow in faith and maturity with my God, who will always be a direct source of comfort and help in times of need, and who is the Creator and Maker of all things, including my relationship with Jake.

May God continue to lead Jake and I on this path that leads us to a sacred covenant and union with Him.

Love,
Ashleigh

8.17.2010

Beauty in the Breakdown....

I watched a movie tonight, and the when the end credits started to roll, this song came on by Frou Frou, called "Let Go":

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Love,
Ashleigh