Rain and Park Benches...

Today I was crying on a park bench with Jake, when all of a sudden, it started to rain. Jake said it was like a "pathetic fallacy", which is when nature is said to have emotion and feelings similar to humans. It was very apt, to say the least.

I got all emotional thinking about the people around me whom I love, and how I would feel if they passed away. I don't know why I get these feelings, or where they come from, especially because if they're believers, I will be able to see them in heaven. However, they creep up on me sometimes, and there is nothing wrong with remembering that our lives are fragile, and thanking God for each breath He gives us.

This world is not our home. I must keep reminding myself that, and not to get caught up in the materialism of our culture.




Lessons from a Cold Sore...

I have this huge thing on the side of my lip, and it is my first cold sore that did not involve a spate of anesthetics or a sickness caught in Brasil. Nope, this is a straight up, "legit" cold sore.

It's so humbling. I mean, people get them all the time, but "I ain't people". I don't get them. I feel like everyone can see it, and everyone is staring. This is going to take a lesson in a lot of patience, not to mention the $17.79 tube of 2g worth of Abreva. Here's hoping.

My body is not responding well to stress. I have a cold, which I believe is attached to my spring allergies, and this nasty cough which is taking a toll on breathing. *sigh*

But you all didn't come here to read about me moaning over the complexities of life and body. You came because you wanted to read about what I could possibly learn from a cold sore.

Well, I learned that there are five stages to a cold sore. The first is the early stage, where you feel a tingle where the cold sore will form, but there is no sign of it yet. Then there is the blister stage (where I am at), where blisters form. Then the ulcer stage, when the blisters pop, and leave gaping sores, and finally the scabbing stage, where a "golden-brown" crust appears. Lastly, the healing stage, where the cold sore starts to, well, heal.

This process kind of reminded me of what it's like to go through that painful time in life. At first you don't realize it's happening, but all of a sudden, it's there, blistering and painful. Just when you think things couldn't get worse, the blister pops, leaving the ulcer, and you feel open, exposed, vulnerable to anything. Slowly but surely, over time, the scabbing starts, and there are feelings of hope, but a rememberance of what you went through. Ultimately, God helps in the healing stage, when it gets better, and life isn't so harsh again. This IS a process. Life IS hard. But we have to wait it out. We need to be humble, because it can happen to anybody.

And, best of all, God is with us through the whole thing. Yes, he helps in the healing stage, but he is with us when the blister forms, and when it bursts. God loves us enough to carry us through. The problems in life are meant to make us stronger, to refine us, and to help us remember our dependence on our Maker.

I can get through this...7 more days...



My Theory...

I have decided to convince myself I'm allergic to chocolate and refined sugar. Perhaps that will help me to deal with my addiction to over-indulging in things of that nature.I feel so awful, especially after going to the bridemaid dress fitting today, and not feeling comfortable in the dress that fit me fine a month ago. However, a new resolve has been placed in my mind, and I have a plan to start up my exercise regime again this week. I know not much will change in two weeks, but at least I will feel better. hopefully.

We had a great shower for Mel yesterday though, and although there were only eight people, it was intimate and fun!




Perhaps one reason why I have felt out of sorts this week is because I haven't made that trek out to the gym. Not once. I chose instead to stay in the comfort of my bed, thinking it was sleep I needed. My body is paying for it. I just remember that I dreamt last night that someone told me I had gained weight. What is with this obssession with weight gain or loss lately? Seriously, it's starting to really get on my nerves.

It feels rather muggy today. I am excited for true summer weather this week-end, and since I will be at home, perhaps I can go to the beach! I forgot this was the May "2 4" week-end, the one the partyer's in highschool needed a week to recover from their drunken stupors. I, for one, will be celebrating my one year with Jake alone on Saturday since we both have other functions to attend. *sigh* C'est la vie!



The way to my heart...

I hate how easy it is for songs from the radio to get stuck in my head. It's always the ones with the most catchy and dance-able beats that have the most offensive lyrics. It seems like, no matter how much controversy Lady Gaga represents, I always end up enjoying the music of her songs. The lyrics, on the other hand, almost don't make up for it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Why is it that some people can eat food without understanding the full extent of the sensory experience, while others, like myself, feel like it is the way to my heart? I enjoy everything about food, and I'm so glad that God gave us the ability to create new ways of eating. There is never a dull moment with culinary art. And I, for one, am willing to be on the receiving end of whatever masterpiece anyone sets before me.



Saudades for the sun...

I miss the sun. I miss the warmth of it's rays heating my back, changing the hue of my skin, and making me feel deliciously at ease with life.

When it rains, like the cold rain of today, I feel such a disconnect from nature. I don't want to lie down in the green grass, or walk barefoot on the pavement, or stare up at the sky. I want to curl up on the couch, wrapped up in one of Jake's sweaters, and watch movies all evening.

And yet, God still provides a way to ease the dismal lack of energy. My roommate and I are going to the gym, because we realized that swimming is the only way to go. Today we switched it up, and did some cycling so that we could work our lower bodies. But I missed starting off the day with a good swim.

When I feel the water rush through my finger tips, flow over my skin with fluidity, and glide my body to the wall, I feel alive. I realized tonight how much muscle it actually takes to swim. Our bodies don't naturally float, so when someone is able to glide through the water, it does take a lot of work. Swimming brings back so many good memories of all the lessons I took as a child, and they are definitely paying off. I have noticed a difference in the way I feel about myself and my shape, even in the short time I started "working out" again.

I feel so indebted to the Lord, for giving me the ability to even think about doing physical activity. I love swimming so much, and the God who created such tantalizing agua...

In thankfulness,



We're engaged!

The past week and a half has gone by so fast, and this Thursday will mark the two weeks since Jake and I got engaged! It is incredible to believe, but the ring on my finger doesn't lie. Sometimes I catch myself saying "dating" or "boyfriend", but it's for reals now. We have made a commitment and I'm going to be a married woman!

Jake and I still have a lot to talk about and plans to make, but the most important thing to me at this point is keeping God in the center, and not crowding him out due to burgeoning wedding details. It's so easy to focus on the wedding "day", but a marriage is about relationship, not only with each other, but also with God.

I am excited to see how God will lead us in this, as we are waiting on His provision for a job for Jake, a car, and a definite date for the wedding(we know it will be this year some time)as well as other monies for daily living AND wedding.

I am so in love with my Jake, and some days it seems like the wedding day can't come fast enough...