It is hard for me at times to put my thoughts into words. Even when I speak, there is a level of uncertainty that comes from a longing for people to understand me, knowing that my mouth does not always communicate with clarity. I think there is a desire in all of us to be understood. I know that it is easier for women to understand other women, because we know where all those emotions come from, and how they can be irrational yet completely rational at the same time. Men also understand men, and women, at times, can understand men. They seem to be so logical, so cut and dry, the problem solvers. It is the relationship between men and women that is so perplexing, the underlying tension when a woman tries to explain what she is feeling to a man. Oftentimes, she leaves him confused and frustrated at the unexpectedness of her outbursts, the fragility of her weaknesses, and the serenity of her happiness. It is highly doubtful that a man can truly understand her in every facet of her being.
I am blessed to be in a relationship where I am steered towards the One who understands me completely. No matter what happens in life, when it feels as if the carpet is being pulled out from under me, when all my feelings going down the drain, when I feel as if I am going to fall off the balance beam, God reaches for my hand and says, "I've got you."
I feel this reassurance every time I hear him say, "It's going to be ok", or "We'll get through this" or simply when he holds my hand.
I am blessed beyond belief to be in a relationship where I see clearly how God works, when He gives the words to say just at the moment I need them. Jake is never afraid of the truth, and he does not steer away from it. When I feel that no one will understand, when I am brought to my knees in the wake of my own feminity, God says, "It's going to be ok." Not only does He comfort me through His own words in the Bible, but also through the security and trust I feel when I am being hugged by my boyfriend.
This truly is a gift from God, and I find myself looking on in speechless wonderment, dependent on His incredible and undeserved grace.