On Pride...

As a teacher, it is so easy to be humiliated in front of your class.  My worst fear is being caught off guard by a question that I won't know the answer for.

This happens to me every, single day.

"You're not prepared enough.  You're a terrible teacher.  They think you're a farce.  They don't trust your answers anymore.  They're wasting their money.  You can't even speak English yourself"

I am attacked ruthlessly during those moments of uncertainty.  Instead of admitting my faults, however, I get angry and defensive.  I have often found myself being adamant about a certain part of grammar, telling a student such-and-such, only to have them call me out on an obvious technicality.  Once more, instead of admitting my ignorance, I back-pedal, and pretty soon I find myself angry on all levels-angry at the student for asking, and angry at myself for a.) being prideful and b.) not knowing the answer.  It's an uncomfortable situation for both parties, and my first instinct is to run from the room and hide.

I struggle with my own knowledge base.  There are even things in the Bible that I know to be true, but doubt my answer if called upon.  My mind likes to make up answers to things just to save face.  My pride is the biggest obstacle to overcoming humiliation and uncertainty. 

Only by the grace of God will I learn how to be more humble. 


1 comment:

Singinglady said...

Hello my darling
I found your blog today sort of sad but interesting as I think it is good that you can look within yourself and try to assess what you are doing , how you are doing it and where you need to change some of your thinking

Of course when we are confronted with our mistakes , in our humanness we often let the enemy in and he helps us beat ourselves up and put all sorts of self doubt into our minds.
You have got to remember that at this point in time you are still very young...
( I can say that as I am getting very old {or at least I have been around a lot longer} so any one in your age group fits into that bracket!) LOL!
You have had some courses that enable you to teach and to some extent that has given you some training to be doing what you are doing too, but you have to remember that you are teaching students that are probably close in age to you and although they are not familiar with the language and customs they are still old enough to come up with questions that maybe you are not prepared enough to have answers for them.
I am not sure where I am going with this message to you but in closing I will say do not beat yourself up and keep your focus on God and allow Him to help you when you are floundering .

Another thought is that maybe you could be right up front with them and be honest and say that you are not sure but how about if you all check it out together and see where that goes.
I hope this has encouraged you at least a little bit and that you can let go of some of that pride!

Lots of love from NAN xoxoxo