I Better Find Your Lovin...*

"Bottom line is infidelity is a marriage-preservation device for many pepole. They love and cherish their partner, their children, but they need a change of intimacy. They need something different. Everybody needs a hall pass, time to live out some kind of fantasy. "
~Flare Magazine, Aug. 2010 ed., excerpt from "Cheat, Pray, Love?" by Olivia Stren

I shook my head, and my heart broke into a thousand pieces when I read this article. I learned about the ease and alacrity with which people are able to commit infidelity these days. There is a website called Ashley Madison that was formed in 2002, which is where married people can go to meet up with other married people who want to cheat on their spouses. I mean, really, how sick and disturbed is that?!

The article stated that most women who cheat are those who have been married for just over 3 years. Another woman, who they named "Laura", mentioned that soon after she married her husband, he took a new job, and changed drastically, and didn't put her needs first anymore. She went on Ashley Madison to find someone who could meet those emotional needs. The article said that this is the case for most women, while men search for women who can meet their physical needs.

I cannot imagine wanting to cheat on Jake. EVER. Fidelity is one of my passions in life, something that I feel strongly about and cheer most for when it comes to marriage. I was chatting with some friends about this before, about how spouses can seem to change after you marry them. Generally, it should be gradual, because everyone changes as they move through life, and they should also be changing together. If you are constantly on the same communication level, and sharing your hopes, dreams, and goals, then you should be moving on a path together. This is even more so for a Christian couple. With Christ, we are constantly moving on a trajectory of purification and towards a pursuit of holiness, and with goals to serve Him together.

It is scary to think how accepting this culture is of adultery. The article mentioned that there are about 6 million users from around the world, mostly Canada, United States, Australia, and New Zealand. The excerpt above states that most people are looking for variety, as they get bored easily within their own committed relationships. So, why not do something to spice it up? There are so many ways and ideas people have that can help couples with boredom and disinterest. I realize I am speaking with some naivete, but I believe that people sometimes don't try hard enough.

Jake and I, while discussing our wedding band options, decided that we wanted to have something engraved on the inside. We talked about many options, most of them including grace, but one that stood out to both of us was this: "Faithful by His grace". We want to remind ourselves every time we look at our rings, the symbol of eternity (no beginning, and no end) and the timelessness of love, that we will be faithful to each other only by the grace of God. No one knows the future, and it is easy to fall for the charms and deception of the world. But when we keep our eyes focused on God, and keep Him at the center of our relationship, then He will keep us faithful to one another, not only physically, but also emotionally and in every other aspect of our marriage. My love for Jake alone will not be enough- it is God who will be the glue and the cohesiveness we will need to make our marriage last and be successful, for His glory alone. Soli Deo Gloria.

1 You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 3 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. 5 And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops. 7 Consider what I say, and may the Lord give you understanding in all things.
8 Remember that Jesus Christ, of the seed of David, was raised from the dead according to my gospel, 9 for which I suffer trouble as an evildoer, even to the point of chains; but the word of God is not chained. 10 Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.
11 This is a faithful saying:

For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
12 If we endure,
We shall also reign with Him.
If we deny Him,
He also will deny us.
13 If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
He cannot deny Himself. (2 Timothy 2:1-13, New King James Version)


*I realize that many of you who will read this have had first or second-hand experience with adultery, and, consequently divorce. I want to apologize if I have offended or hurt you in any way by the frankness and forcefulness of my speech. I am merely speaking my thoughts and opinions about this painful topic.

1 comment:

Janis said...


I praise God for the wisdom He has given you.

What a God glorifying post!

Ryan and I have been married for 10 years now and the more we seek to be like Christ the closer to each other we get.

Praying for you and Jake.
Much Love,