My feelings were intensified after my second annual Christmas home tour. If you're not familiar with these, they are typically fundraising events in which people with unique or grandiose homes open them up for tours. There are usually local food vendors who set up shop in the kitchen, offering samples of their creations and hopefully receiving some business in return. The tour satisfies my psyche in two ways: 1} I get to have a reason for snooping in people's homes 2} I fill up my belly with delicious holiday morsels. Despite the delightful sensory experience, I felt those old feelings of dissatisfaction and unworthiness welling up within me. Never mind that those homes were decorated specifically for this event by professional interior decorators. Never mind that they may very well look as lived in as my own apartment from day to day. My mind completely blocked out reality, mourning over how shabby my home looked in comparison to such perfectly matching decor. I remembered all the decorations and accents that I saw in the stores, and tried to imagine how I could make my own home look just so.
A few weeks removed from this event, my thoughts are a little more clear. I still feel the need to get the perfect wreath for our door [because wreaths are high on my list of what an immaculately decorated home should have], but I'm pondering how to move through this season while still keeping the main reason in the forefront of my mind.
The stores might tell me to buy more wreaths.
The advertisements might tell me to buy the perfect decorations.
The magazines might tell me I must have an altogether festive home.
But in my heart I know that remembering Jesus' birth is the only thing worth dwelling on, not what kind of centerpiece to acquire for my table. God came to earth as a man to save all of mankind, and now there is Hope! All the Christmas decor in the world will not satisfy my longings more than this exciting news.