Looking Ahead...

I have often found it difficult to live with a group of girls. I think it lost its appeal after my first year in college (and not because my roommates were awful...first year was the best!). I just find living with other girls tedious. There is so much passive aggressiveness that goes with it; we never find the strength to be honest with each other, so we talk about each other behind our backs. What a great way to try to create community(mega sarcasm implied). It's a terrible habit we've gotten ourselves into.

I loved sharing a room with my sister. We had a system, and we loved listening to the same music. We stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning, and bonded over many nights of tears and laughter. Sure, we had our fights, but she was the best roommate I could have had. It just hit me: we will never be roommates again. Everything has changed; she is married, and now I'm getting married in a short 71 days.

Once October 30th comes around, I will be roommates with Jake. For the rest of my life. Sometimes it makes my head spin a little bit, and my heart soar up in the clouds somewhere. I will be with my love, living in each other's space, and being able to spend quality time without having inhibitions. Jake and I have often talked about the things that we're looking forward to once we become roommates, and there are lots of them! But we will be more than roommates. We will be marriage partners. Our souls and hearts and bodies will be connected in a sacred union before God. This means I need to put aside that passive aggressiveness I'm used to using on girls. I will need to be open and honest about my difficulties, about my struggles, and I won't be able to run away and hide when I need a moment to myself or when I don't feel like talking anymore. We'll be doing real life. Together. Living out our beliefs in a Christian marriage that has been blessed before the sight of God.

In some ways, I find this to be a daunting task. I am afraid of what kinds of things Jake will find in me once we start interacting with each other on that deeper level. I am afraid of what insecurities will come out, or what I will start to say or do. On the other hand, I am definitely looking forward to it. I am excited to see how God will grow our relationship, and how much more I will begin to mature.

When I think about being married to Jake, and living in the same place with him every day, I am reminded of God's grace and his endless mercy. I never imagined what it would be like to be patiently waiting for my wedding day to arrive. It's been a crazy journey, my friends. I have grown a lot, and changed, and my mind is slowly starting to think like a wife.

I don't think one ever becomes fully prepared to be a spouse on the day of their wedding, but I'm ready for it. I desire to learn how to become more humble and willing to take responsibility for my actions. I desire to learn how to love Jake as my husband and to respect him and submit to his leadership. I desire to grow in faith and maturity with my God, who will always be a direct source of comfort and help in times of need, and who is the Creator and Maker of all things, including my relationship with Jake.

May God continue to lead Jake and I on this path that leads us to a sacred covenant and union with Him.

Love,

Ashleigh