How to Save a Mind...

And here we are, precious friends, slogging through life, looking for ideas, ways, paths to make it less difficult, to slow it down, to make it stop, if that were even possible.  And so I find myself trying to keep moving, planning, thinking, loving without losing sight of the most important things in life.  I have felt the stress pile up so high it would likely suffocate me if it weren't for my husband by my side, softly reassuring me that everything will be fine.  I cling to his gentle words and patient rebukes like he were my drug, longing for the rock-solid steadiness that he exudes.  He doesn't change.  The things he thinks about are always on his mind, testing him, teasing him.
My mind is like an ocean, constantly washing up on the shore with new trinkets and findings lost amid its depths ages ago.  I come back to those old doubts, those ancient fears, letting them niggle away at me until I threaten to burst, like a dam let loose.

But my Jake, he feeds our Father's truth to me with such sincerity and love, smoothing over my ruffled feathers, soothing the ache, banishing the lies and deceit that caused the stress and deception from the start.

My God has provided this mere mortal with a grace that defies logic, and he lovingly gifts it to me, for the sake of saving my sanity.

---In which words are not nearly enough to convey this deep love---

Daybreak...

I don't have to tell you how busy the month of July has been for me.  I will let my lack of blogging presence speak for itself.  In the meantime, I will leave you with a small morsel to tide you over until I can write something with more substance.

It draws me in...
I am enchanted, captivated, moved,
Held prisoner by the prisms of light, 
The beauteous rays.


I breathe the dank smell floating
Up from the river, still fresh in the 
Morning coolness, unaffected by the
Searing heat of a midday sun.




I hear them chirping, their cacophony at once
Melodious and incomprehensible,
They swoop, they soar, they forage, 
They dance around one another in the air.


The puffs of cloud in the sky dare me to
Dream of cotton candy goodness,
Immovable in their perfect haven of blue.


The earth comes alive, 
Tiny spiders on pensive hands, 
Wisps of air slipping between the spaces of foot and sandal, 
Warm fingers of light brushing a soft cheek.


-AshWin-


Picture source: http://www.delderfield.com.au/Photo_gallery/pl_images/y_Daybreak.jpg

600th post...

Can you believe it? Thanks to all the readers who have stuck with me through thick and thin, through months of epic posting and months of one post.

My favourite shot of the day

Just enjoying a leisurely evening with the Paynes while my friends and family in Ontario are fast asleep.  We had a great day sight-seeing and taking pictures of 'beautiful BC'. It certainly lives up to my expectations.  I was told by many people it is a lovely province.  The mountains take your breath away!

Anyways, I hope everyone is surviving the heat.  I hear that the weather back home is quite overwhelming. We've been having lovely sunshine but a nice cool wind to even things out.

One more day before Ruth-Ann becomes Mrs. Ruth-Ann Diana!!  

Love,

Ashleigh

Beautiful BC...

I've arrived safe and sound in BC for Ruth-Ann's wedding.  This is my first time here and I can honestly say that I can feel closet to God amidst these majestic mountains.
Ruth-Ann and I are having a wonderful time catching up.

Love,
Ashleigh

Mugs of Tea...

One night Jake and I were walking.  We had steaming cups of hot tea in our hands, and were trying to avoid the little bugs that swarm people's heads at night. (Unfortunately for Jake, he did get one in his mug. Love that protein!)  We walked up one block, and just as we decided to turn around a couple of police cruisers rounded the corner.  Thinking nothing of it, we continued down the street.  All of a sudden, the cruisers pulled up beside us with their lights flashing.  I looked at Jake and said, "Are they wanting to talk with us?!" He shrugged and said he wasn't sure.  Nervously we stopped and waited to see what would happen.  Sure enough, the first cop stepped out of the car and came up to us.


"Hi guys, what are you doing?"
Me: "Ummm...drinking tea?"
"Well, why did you guys turn around when you saw us coming around the corner?"
Me: "Because we were finished our walk and decided to go home?"
[NOTE:  My answers came out pretty dumb in the face of conflict, so I decided to let Jake do the rest!]

"What are your names?"
Jake: Jacob Rivers
Me: Ashleigh

"Do either of you have ID's on you? We're just looking for a couple of people."
[Thankfully Jake had his driver's license on him]

Me: "Do we look like the people you're looking for?!"
[No, not at all. They just pulled you over for kicks. DUH!!]


"Yes, actually. [checks ID] Alright, thanks guys. Have a good night."

And with that, they drove off.

I felt odd, like maybe I had done something that they should be stopping me for, something that I didn't know I had done.  It felt so wrong to be stopped and interrogated.  As Jake and I talked about it on our way home-the magic of the night somewhat ruined- I was grateful that our police in Canada are much more pleasant than what I've heard about police in other countries.  Yes, we were stopped.  But no harm was done to us physically and we weren't simply arrested without any questions.

Love,
Ashleigh

Tea Smoothie...

When I was looking up recipes for a tea smoothie, green tea seems to be the most popular one.  I had cold papaya mango red tea sitting in my fridge, so that left it up to me to invent my own creation.  I rarely do this.  So here is the recipe for my very own tea smoothie!

Papaya Mango Rooibos (Red Tea) Smoothie

1 cup cold papaya mango rooibos tea (any red tea would work...vanilla rooibos would be delicious!)
1 scoop vanilla whey protein powder (or any protein powder of your choice)
1 cup frozen mango chunks (or whatever you fruit you have on hand-you can adjust the fruit depending on how thick you like your smoothie)

Mix them together in a blender. Enjoy!

Love,
Ashleigh

On Taking the Bus...

So I sometimes take the bus. Not always. Just sometimes, when Jake needs the car. I like the freedom of our car, I appreciate its efficiency, but, truth be told, I enjoy the serenity of a bus ride.

I don't have to think about other vehicles around me, watch my mirrors, or worry about congested traffic.  For the most part I can sit back and relax, reading my book or listening to music.

Come on.

Who am I kidding? Most of my bus rides have not been the picture of tranquility that I would like.  The people who take a city bus make up a rare mix: the crying babies, the stressed out moms, the 'cool' kids, the 'street' riffraff, the elderly, the developmentally challenged, the regular 'joes', the working crowd, the university students.

All of these people share one vehicle. Together. They sit side-by-side, brush feet while walking by, accidentally jostle the person beside them.  All of this, without breathing a word. usually.

I don't often start conversations with people I sit beside on the bus.  I haven't been doing too good at this whole communication bit lately, especially with strangers. 

But I observe. Oh, boy, do I observe. 

That woman with the low rise jeans, bending over til you can describe her panties...
The elderly gentleman who stumbles and it takes him 5 minutes to right himself, even with the aid of another kind man...
The frazzled, slightly overweight mom who finally takes her crying baby out of the stroller so he can feel her nearness and wipe away his tears...
The distracted young man scratching away at his lottery tickets, listening to pop music that blares from his headphones...

I listen to their conversations, too (how can you not? They're talking loudly enough!).

The two young girls comparing body piercings and tattoos...
That early 20-something woman confiding in a friend about her custody battle...
Those students discussing the latest TV show using the crudest language possible...

True to the laws of judgmental nature, I often find myself looking at and listening to these people with a sense of superiority, forgetting that I, too, am a mere human being with my quirks and flaws. 

We're all taking the bus, we're all traveling somewhere.  We all have agendas and schedules, friends and foes, loves and losses. 

This is the human condition, but thankfully Jesus has offered a solution to our flawed, sinful ways. He offers forgiveness and grace, to replace my judgmental spirit and my pride.

For this, I am forever grateful.

I'm praying that this will change my attitude the next time I take a bus...

Love,
Ashleigh

The Return...

This morning I felt so accomplished.  I made tonight's dinner, made the bed, exercised, watched a show, made cookies, did the dishes, and did my devos.

During all of that busyness, I was aching and yearing for Jake to come home.  I didn't feel complete, and wouldn't until I saw him.  My mind was preoccupied with thoughts of my husband.

God showed me an analogy in this:

that's how I'm supposed to feel about Christ's return. 

I should feel that yearning, aching for Him, wanting to see Him. 

and yet...my thoughts revolving around His return are often infused with fear and confusion, filled with trepidation of the unknown.  Of course, He will be returning as the conquering King, and that Day will be filled with much fear and wonder. 

However, His children need to be waiting expectantly...with that constant ache and desire ever-present.

I understand now how it's supposed to feel.

Love,
Ashleigh

My day...

7am: Finish work, drive home
8am: Nod off to sleep
11am: Wake up to an empty house (Jake went to a friend's wedding...Congrats Megan and Joey!), go back to sleep
1:30pm: Wake up for the 2nd time, go for a run
2pm: Library, watch Miss Congeniality with Jake, make chocolate chip blondies (using chick peas! AMAZING)
5:30pm: Visit from Natalie(my 1st year roomie!!) and her husband Bruce, and cousin Janette and fiance Chris.  I haven't seen Nat in so long, and it was good to catch up for a little bit!
6:20pm: Going crazy preparing snacks for work...only have 20 minutes until I have to leave!
7pm: Start my last shift for the week

It was a pretty good day :)

Here's to a crazy evening of bar rush, and missing out on many visits that could have happened tonight if I didn't have to work.

*smile*

Love,
Ashleigh

An Excerpt...

"The service ended with a hymn and the collection followed by a silent prayer, in which Agent Morin told Gamache about his late grandmother, who smoked incessantly without ever removing the cigarette from her mouth.

'Her right eye was always winking because of the smoke,' Morin explained. 'And the cigarette just burned down.  She never tapped off the ash.  It hung there, this long tube of gray.  We could watch her for hours.  My sister thought she was disgusting but I kinda liked her.  She drank too.  She could eat and drink without once taking the cigarette out.'
He sounded impressed.
'Once when she was preparing breakfast the whole line of ash fell into the porridge.  She just kept stirring. God knows how much ash and crap we ate.'

'Did the smoking kill her?' Gamache asked.
'No. She choked on a brussels sprout.'

There was a pause and despite himself, Gamache chuckled."

Bury Your Dead, Louise Penny, p 124

In all the pages I read yesterday, this little story stood out, and struck me as slightly funny and offbeat.  I even read it out loud to both my coworkers and to Jake.  (I do that from time to time-I know it must be hard for people to grasp the true essence of the excerpt, since they aren't reading the book themselves, yet I just have to share)

I like the vivid picture that Penny creates.  I'm impressed with her writing, since I don't usually like Canadian authors.   This mystery drama is keeping me on my toes, that's for sure.  Check it out!

Love,
Ashleigh